I tried opening my eyes, a bright light shone towards my pupil, straight ahead. A blind spot, thinking I've already gone blind. Grabbing on the tight sheets, pile up with my hands filled with blood, wrapping into one another. Holding my breathe, trying to breathe normally through the tube. Nurses grabbing me everywhere, feeling rather molest, and painful but couldn't scream to show.
Thinking if I was already dead, wanting to follow the light.Trying to toss a little to the right, something was poking me from behind. "1,2,3...lift"a voice.
Now I could feel my whole body on a comfortable bed, 3 of the nurses pushed me like one of those trolleys in those supermarkets when the shops held a big sale. I grabbed on tight. Still trying to breathe.
I tried to keep my eyes open, but I just slept on. Last thing I remembered, I was still struggling to breathe.
Someone grabbed on to my hands, I felt a cinch of tears on my palms. Someone had been crying next to my bed, could tell it was my mum. True enough, I opened my eye lids. The curtains still closed, but it was obvious enough to tell it was in the late evening already. Didn't want to know how long was I out, the only thing that mattered at that time, was feeling all my body parts attached accordingly to my body. Good God, nothing was fractured just as bad, but my left leg was broken. Could be heal, but take months to do so.
"Honey? You're awake?"she reached out for my hair, stroking it. Sitting a little closer to me now. Dad kept his arm around her, and the other on my hand as well. Jeff, kept his head on my blanket on the other side of the bed, staring at me with his eyes all red. "Will Lea be okay?" he said, and ran towards Mum and Dad, grabbing him and holding him up. "Of course she will baby, she'll come home with us tomorrow. The doctor says that she's fine." mum started to smile, while looking at me. I was too distracted, I didn't say a word. But pictured what it was like to have a bad headache, and how the accident happen. I tilt my head, and support it from laying back on the bed with my hand.
"Are you okay honey?" Dad said.
"Get the doctor" Mum pointed out to the door, and sat next to my bed, feeling my pulse like a real nurse. I wasn't even sure why she did it. But she did. Then I remembered, I wasn't in a dream, that everything was real. Me in a white room, with my family. With weird things attached to my body, keeping me alive. Felt like I was charging myself all the way.
"Wait" I said, but Dad opened the door anyway. And a doctor came in uninvited with a nurse following from behind with documents in hand. He was tall and had dark brown hair, wore glasses, and the name tag stated "Dr. Mike Doug". I kept my head lowered to see what was he up to. If there were any medications need to be taken. Or was I still drunk at that time. I wouldn't know.
"Doctor, do check on my daughter. Is she alright?" my mother started to be bossy. Dr. Mike came over to my side, and started to check my pulse.And whispered to the nurse like it was so secretive to not even be shared to. She just nodded and dotted down anything that went out of words from his mouth. "She's fine, she's just having a normal headache that's all" he answered. Everyone was relieved, I took it as a small matter. Then something struck me like a lightning bolt.
"Leon?" I sat with my back straight up. Wanted to get down from my bed, but dad stopped me. "I need to see Leon! Where is he? Is he alright?" Mum and Dad kept quiet, as they both stared at the doctor. Same time. I stared to, knowing something was not going right. Knowing if he was safe. I breathe heavily..
"You mean the other passenger that was with you? Leon Parker yea?" the doctor asked.
He whispered again to the nurse, and she started flipping through the folded pages, and she handed it to Dr.Mike to view. "hmm" looking through the list. My heart beating as fast as I was breathing.
"He's just 3 door away from your room. He's wounded quite badly, but we managed to save him." I heard the news and exhale hard. So did my Mum and Dad. "Can I see him now?" I said, wanting to get off from the bed already. "Yeah sure." he smiled.
"But, only you were the ones who were lucky in the accident" he said. And I stopped to look at him, before I could recall the accident. We didn't hit a tree, or a lamp post, but another car was involved. I sat back down on my hospital bed. "The victims in the other car...were they..."
"The boy is in a bad coma. He's having a really bad brain damage." he answered.
"Will he live?" I asked, concerned. Feeling bad enough. Mum pat my shoulders.
The doctor just shook his head and wanted to go out the door, but I stopped him with one last question.
"What's the room number of this boy? I would like to meet him. The least I could do." I said.
"It's just next to yours, the one on the right." the nurse answered.
"Thank you" I said. And they both left the room.
"Mummy, I'm hungry!" Jeff started to yell. "We suppose we should go to the cafeteria and get something. You'll be okay here hon?" Dad said. "I'll be doing some visiting if I'm not here" I said.
"We understand, take your time. And walk slowly, your foot isn't that strong." Mum said as she was about to close the door.
I struggled to reach out for the walking stick, and clipped it underneath my arm pits, and started to walk slowly. One step in front of the other, like a beginner. Like a baby first footsteps. I held on the the walls. I wanted to pay a visit the victim that was just next to my room. But then, I had to know is Leon was alright. I opened his room. And his mum was there, feeding him some plain porridge.
"Lea?" he turned to look at me. " Mrs Parker, Leon..." I smiled. She put the bowl of porridge back in his hands and helped me inside the room. I sat on the chair next to Leon, while she sat at the opposite side of me. "My my girl, you're so pretty" she said, continued feeding Leon with the other hand. He, smiling and smirking at me while at it. " Mum, this is Lea. The girl I was telling you about." he said. I held on to his sheets, somehow those words made me felt nervous for some reason. I was already blushing. Hiding my face with both my hands.
"I'm really sorry about my son behavior. And his reckless driving." she gave a slight hit on his shoulders. Making me smiled and giggled to myself. "Mum! Don't embarrass me please!" he said.
"But I am, really sorry" he looked to me and held on to my hands. Held on tight if I was already letting him go.
"Ahemmm" Mrs Parker gave a sound, that made him let go of my hands. "I'm glad you're alright" I said.
"Me too, I really am sorry."
I looked around me. " Doesn't anyone know we are here?" I asked, wanted the question to link to May.
"I'm not sure. But my mum said that May, Chloe and Ty came by earlier. And they went home." Jeremy's name wasn't there. I kept wondering where is he. " And Jeremy? Didn't he swing by?" I looked to Mrs Parker. And they both were quiet.
"You didn't know Lea?" Leon sat closer to me now, his both hands on my shoulders. And he started to shed some tears. "Know what?" I asked.
"The victim in the other car......."
"What....?"
"was Jeremy..." I stopped blinking immediately, I didn't take my walking stick and tried walking out the door drastically, already about to fall over. Hitting a nurse. And I came to the door. As I opened it. There he was...
"Jeremy..." I whispered, with every step I took. "Jeremy...." I whispered again to myself. Only softer now. Little steps I took. My eyes on him, his head bandaged. His life support machine was barely keeping him alive. I know he couldn't hear me. I know he couldn't move. But I looked at him. I just looked...
"Jeremy..." one last say, and I was already next to his bed. Close enough to touch his hands. His cold hands. I couldn't feel any pulse. I sat there, trying to smile. Wiping my tears, but only more came down.
Drip drip, drop drop...
I grabbed his hands anyway. Both of them, and stuck them to both sides of my cheeks. Making me look like a bloated up puffer fish. But it didn't matter. I started kissing his empty palms repeatedly. Then I put my head on his flat stomach. And closed my eyes for just a while.
I started talking to myself.
I started telling him how was my day. How funny I look with my leg twisted like that. And what did I do in the streets the other day. About the birds, the old lady and my one and only wish.
"You know, I always hated you so much I wanted to kill you in my sleep."
"You know, I once put some soya sauce in your coke. And I remembered the look on your face when you drank it. It was funny" I started laughing to myself. But I stopped, knowing I was laughing alone.
I started to cry again.
" I remember, how pissed off you get when I took those science notes from you, and throw them out of the window. But you wouldn't say a thing, but climb out the window to grab it back again." I kissed his fingers.
"I remembered, how you're the stubborn type that doesn't listen to advices, but end up giving one to others."
"I remembered how you gave all the teachers silly names so that we could mock them even when they are around" I started laughing again.
"I remembered...." I stopped, and tears just flow...
"I remembered, when you came over, just to have pizza with me."
"I remembered when you brought me over to your secret hideout"
"I remembered when you held on to me, just to make me feel safe"
"I remembered how angry you get if I ever stay quiet in the car"
"I remembered how..."
"You loved me....." I cried...
There was some space on the side, enough for me to crawl over to his bed, and just laid next to him. I chased the clock away, making it not existed. I put my hands on his chest, and kissed my fingers, making them wet as I put them on his lips. And I sobbed in tears while I lay there in bed, feeling his body next to me.
"Lea..." Dr Mike stood in front of me, along with two grown ups with I expected was Jeremy's parents. I wiped my tears and got down from his bed. "I'm...sorry" I swallowed my saliva back in. Face pale, eyes still gazing to Jeremy's face. Sighed.
"It's time" he said to the nurse. She was standing next to the machine that was keeping Jeremy alive. "Wait, what are you doing?" I stopped her hands.
"Its for the best dear" Jeremy parent's said. "We're taking him off life support. He's not getting any better Lea." Dr Mike answered. And nodded for the nurse to continue her work. But I stopped her again.
"You can't do this! This has to be a mistake! He could be cured. He could!" I shouted.
"Keep your voice down young lady" Jeremy's dad made a move towards me. "You are making the most biggest mistake of your entire life!" I said, holding on to Jeremy's hand. "Just look at your son! He's breathing...he is" I said.
"His brain is badly damaged. He.." his mother started to cry. I didn't want to make this worst, but I didn't want to back down either. I held on tighter to his hands now. Whispered to his ears. " I won't let them take you away from me. I won't" I kissed his cheeks.
"Please go.." the doctor pointed to the door to me, like it was an order I had to follow.
"I'm not going anywhere!" I said.
"Lea..what is this?" Mum and dad heard the ruckus and started dragging me out. "Daddy..No.....I can't" I held on to the door, with my nails scratched hard on the pavement.
"Jeremy!!" I shouted. The door slammed, I was locked outside with my parents trying to calm me down. I look through the small window. And just as I shouted..
( Beeeep..............................................................................)
Dear Diary, I went to his grave today, with white roses I made from plastic, cause I knew it will stay as beautiful as he has always been. Dear Diary, I spend half the day, feeling the carve of his name on the rock and kissed it repeatedly.
Dear Diary, it has been 4 years now. I'm still doing the same thing, everyday. Without fail, I would come over, and sometimes have pizza near his tomb stone. I would talk to him in my sleep every night before I go to bed.
Dear Diary, I told him about how you made me stronger now. It has been raining ever since. And so is my tears flowing. The other day, I saw a guy who was just like him, and I smiled at him. While the stranger smiled back. It was the most happiest day for me.
Dear Diary, me and the girls are much better now. Chloe continued her studies in New York, while May handled the boutique that was selling like hot cakes across town. My family have been staying in Europe ever since. But I stayed here with him....
Dear diary, I have something that I've been wanting to tell him a long time ago, but I wanted to make it fast and catchy, but words weren't the same...
In 1 minute I had 70 words for him.
To live for you, was to feel your death in me. To die for you, I felt you lived in me. I cried everyday, but it was tears of happiness. I wish you well, in the afterlife with hope I will meet you one day. I wanted to die, now more than ever, but I promised, that I'll be strong through this summer..You are nothing enough to be always loved by me.
-Time may run out, but feelings don't.-
THE END
On waiting line, Jeremy was still calling. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know which button to click. It was like the first time I noticed how complicated my cell phone was.The screen kept flashing repeatedly.That the most latest model could be the most stupid choice made to buy. I came across of criticizing my own cell, trying to ignore the fact that they are two boys in the waiting line.
I looked around me, and just turned off the engine, and started walking down the street. My phone was still on vibrate. My other hand, in my pocket. Me just nodding down, continued walking on the street.
Walking... hoping to bump into someone normal. I wasn't even walking right, the left-side of my body was actually more heavier than I thought. A couple of times which I picked to tip over, but didn't as someone would yell across the pathway saying " Watch where you're going " and I would just smile and kept walking. Strolling off to nowhere.
A sudden silence. My cell phone no longer vibrates, swallowed a whole mouthful of saliva before even viewing the rest. 20 missed calls from Jeremy and 12 from Leon. 8 differences. In the back of my mind, I would want to call someone back. But the question triggers as I didn't know who to call. There was Leon, a boy whom I thought was my everything. Happens to actually love my best friend instead, behind my back. Hurting me not that much, but he did hurt me.
And there was Jeremy, a boy whom I hated before, many times crossed my mind that I would tie him up a pillar and hope for a huge dragon to drag him away. Many times, but he turned out to be better as he was there for me. In a weird way, I feel for him as he did for me. But why did I call Leon instead of Jeremy? When I know, I shouldn't be the one going back to something that threw me away before. Feeling not needed at all. I relied on him.
But no longer I should. I took some time. Sitting on a bench next to an old lady, feeding pigeons with seeds from a small brown paper bag. It appears she had been feeding them for ages. I could hear her mumbling to herself and naming all the pigeons one by one. I find it rather interesting, so I kept a closer eye on her. I happen to love animals, especially the ones with long ears like bunny rabbits. I usually dress up as one on Halloween's and ended up getting carrots instead of candies. But still, carrots were the reason I had sparkling eyes to show.
"You know, pigeons are very loyal lovers" she started talking, I didn't see anyone around that looked to her way, it was only me alone, on the bench. Though I'm seated a little further from her, I took the courtesy to sit right next to her with my hands on my thigh. Listening to what she has to say.
" You see how the other bird is pushing the seed towards its mate, using its beak.? " she pointed to one of the pigeons, but I didn't see any seed passing thing happening. But I smiled anyway. She was obviously taking time to learn about these pigeons. So I kept listening.
She turned over to look at me. Her grey white curls looking for a way out from her wool hat, together with her long sleeve red sweater. I wonder how she could even stand underneath those horrid warm clothing under a weather like this. I started sweating by just looking at her. She looked lost, she looked almost like a beggar, but the only thing that caught my eye, was her amazing smile. She grabbed the palm of my hand, and laid on some seeds into mine, and smiled. "Wish for something, and they shall bring your wish up to highest sky as they fly."
"Go on" she insisted, continued feeding them.
I wished for something, only I know what it was. So I threw down the seeds, flying across the pathway. And the birds started to peck on them. "That was fun" I said to myself, enough to be heard by the old lady.
"Animals know, what we humans are feeling inside. Just by looking at you with one sight. They know..." she sounded serious, enough to make me call her a black witch, with all the voodoo spells in the back of my mind.
"What is your name dear girl?"
"Lea..." I answered, eyes on the pigeons.
"Are you in love my child?" she asked something personal. I took a step back and leaned against the bench, putting my hair at the back of my ears and started to sigh.
"Is it that obvious?" I asked
She held on to my hands. "For a young maiden teenage like you, shouldn't be sitting on a bench feeding pigeons with an old lady you just knew don't you think so?" she made it sound like a mistake for giving her company in the first place. But I know her words meant well.
"I know that look" she continued.
"The look of confusion" she smiled.
" Have you been in love?" I asked.
" I have. Once. With a guy who was married to another on our 3rd anniversary" she nodded her head down. I felt bad asking her something personal. But she was generous and honest enough to answer them in the first place. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"Don't be child. I love him. And he was the on. He is still the one" her words meant so much, that I could felt the pain she gone through with the wedding bells just ringing right above her head. Seeing her lover walking down the aile with another. How much pain she went through. How much tears she cried. I will never know. But she was still there, waiting for him, though she know well, he wouldn't turn back to go after her.
"Go to the one you know you'll never have, but you know you should" she said.
I grabbed hold of her shoulder and gave her a big teddy bear hug. Couldn't find the words to tell her how useful her advice was to me. As I gave a small peck on her cheeks, I waved goodbye and went back to my car.
My phone rang, and I was so excited that I picked it up hoping it was..................
"Lea?"
"Leon?"
"Where are you?" I was smiling, back tracking the advice that the old lady gave to me. I knew what I had to do. I missed Leon, and I knew. He was the one that I'm willing to chase for.
"I'm near.....the downtown area or something. Why? Wanna meet me?"
"Yes please, I'll come get you. Where are you?"
"No, I'll go there. Where should we meet Leon?"
"The park. I'll be there in 10" he answered.
The park was filled with green layers of grass carpets. People were dating everywhere, all couple spots in the center, on the right side and on the left side. I was the only one standing there with my arms wrapped around me looking for a partner. Looking for Leon to come get me. The wind was breezing rather strong, blew my hair all over. I quickly made a fast groom on myself, and just as I turn around. There was Leon, walking towards me. His hair a little longer now, covering his eyes upfront. He smiled across the pathway, wearing his white jacket and jeans. Simple and yet adoring to look at.
I smiled, and kept smiling. Like it was the first time I laid eyes on him. But something was not right, yes. Something was not right at all.
"Lea" he hugged me tight in his arms and nothing I expected when he gave me 2 kisses on my cheeks each side. I closed my eyes just as his lips touched my skin. And hold them close to me, trying not to blush any much more now. "I missed you" he said.
(How I missed you more Leon)
We sat in the middle of the crowd, but a little further. Finding a spot under a shaded tree. I sat on a higher ground of a rock. While Leon sat next to me on the ground, lower than me. A couple of times I caught him smiling to himself, but I didn't have anything to ask. I wanted to, but I know I shouldn't.
"How is Jeremy?" he said
"How is May?" I asked, and he smiled while held on to my hands. "Are you happy Lea?"
"Are you Leon?" I asked, feeling rather terrible at that moment. I just stood up. Wanted to leave him behind. Just by looking at his ideal pair of eyes, the only thing that kept me staying on. The only thing that made me fall in love with him before. But just as I look at him. I was looking at an enemy. A person I should have let go before. The person that was caught making out with my own best friend. A person that hurt me.
"I should go" I got down from the rock, and started walking really fast. Leon came chasing me, and pulling me back. "Why is this so hard?" I said, sobbing looking down to the ground.
"Why is this so hard?" I said again.
"I missed you...I loved you. But you never felt the same...." Leon just grabbed hold of my shoulders and hugged me again. And I just let our moments be. I thought, why couldn't I just be with Leon, why must I go through with other guys and came back to the first that made me feel safe. But came around hurting me in plenty other ways.
"I'm moving..." I said.
"What?" he sounded calm. Calm enough, I felt he never did cared anyway. So I kept the answer to myself. Eyes still on him. Angry eyes.
"You don't have to know. I'll be gone. I won't come back after this."
"Lea, you have something to tell me. But you aren't speaking up. So speak" he said.
"And why should I? Don't you have like a girl friend to go back to? Why are you here anyways? Why are we here?And why are you still hugging me?Geez!" I pushed him aside.
Feeling annoyed, and angry at the same time. Kicking everything that was in my way, any small pebbles. Just rather anything to make me give a slight kick.
"What's your problem? I miss you Lea, I miss you" he said.
"You miss me, but you never did needed me" I said.
"Have you ever love me Leon?" I didn't wanted to hear the honest answer from him. But before I do get my ass in Europe and settle things with my own life. I rather be hurt now, than go on wondering if he was the only one for me.
"I did" he answered.
"How much?"
He kept quiet. And he pulled me against his chest. " Don't go" he said.
"I should" I answered.
"I want to bring you somewhere. Somewhere I should have brought you a long time ago" he said, insisted that I follow him. I wasn't doing anything better. So I did. It was the last memory I would want to have with him. Between me and Leon, nothing was going too fast. As time will eventually stop one day.
In the car, we both didn't say a word. Both ego's collide, concurred the whole car in a midst of destruction. None was saying anything. He was speeding like a mad guy happening to have a DY district. But I kept my mouth to myself. Shutting up just looking out the window. Feeling the breeze.
I looked up in front of me, to find that we were about to go through a red light. I grabbed hold on Leon's shirt. And he just asked me to hold on. "Stop the car Leon!!" I screamed. Another car was about to drive by, and I knew there and then, we would bump into it and things would get scary. I knew, this would be the most biggest accident I had in my whole entire life.
And it was too late. Everything was spinning, the whole car turned and twirled. My head bumped onto the dash board hard. The hard pressure felt on everything my heart just dropped.
Time just went fast as quick as lighting. My eyes went close. I felt my body was half cut. I couldn't feel my pulse.
There, an accident in the middle of the road. Me and Leon, emerged with another car. My head was bleeding, I looked over to my side. Leon also bleeding, and his eyes were close, head on the steering wheel. I grabbed hold on his hands. All red stains were everywhere. We were both losing quite amount of blood.
Could hear the environment around us. People were yelling "Get them out..get them out" my eyes were to blurred, as my hair covered in blood was sticking on to my face, and I didn't bother to pushed them away. My legs were pressed and stuck underneath the car seat. We both just laid there. And everything went pitch black.
Eyes open on a red and blue spin of lightning, A blitzkrieg of voices, noises. A metal rod pierces the side of the car, jaws it apart. Uniforms. I'm in Hell and they wear uniforms. One man shouts. Another says in a soothing voice "We'll get you out. Don't worry." He wears a badge. Another paramedic yells to someone I can't see. He recoils at the sight of me. Are they supposed to do that? Blackness.
Clueless, still hearing people yelling in the back ground. A lady came over smashing my glass window, and tried to pull me out. It hurts so bad I just couldn't find the strength to even actually scream as my leg was still crushed I could barely push myself towards her. A man, helped her to pull me out. My other hand, was still holding on to Leon. And I looked back to him to find that someone is pulling him out too on the other side. So I focused on my part of the story. Everything, pitch black. Blur...A big blur.
"you'll be alright honey" the lady said, her voice didn't hear clearly as everything was a big messed in my head. I felt like throwing up instead. I was calling out Leon's name in my sleep. But my eyes were so dead close. I just whispered in my sleep.
Another voice" Get the other guy out."
an another "This one is hurt pretty bad" and I hear people running towards the incident. The big noise of the ambulance just drove my head insane. I wanted to get up to see if Leon was alright, but everyone was just surrounding me, I couldn't make a move to even get up. I felt my legs, struggling with my hands. All I felt was the blood all around me, didn't know where it came from. but I was almost covered in most areas. I thought to myself that I'm going to die. Set up a prayer, and apologize for everything in my past if this would be the day that I make mends meet.
"You'll be alright" a voice, invisible figured. Tucked me underneath the blankets. She put an oxygen mask covering half my face, and my eyes kept blinking. I'm strapped to a pine board. A voice, "Three, two, one, lift" The sky rushes towars me and then away from me. "In" says the voice.
Eyes opened. The thud of wheels like a shopping cart on concrete.
Everything...pitched black. Too weak to get up, too weak to speak. Too weak to think. Too weak....too weak.....
I imagined, I was about to fly up to heaven, to meet the creator. I imagined I was in a corpse field, flying kits. Playing balloons. And just be happy.
Death....Pitch black...
Cold wind, blew across my face, waking me up, saving me from a bad dream that had me holding on to my covers so tight almost made Chloe freeze into an ice figure. But she never did moved an inch from me. Still lying there next to me, breathing normally. Everything that I'd hope, would stay just fine. I got up, and headed downstairs, tip toeing. The morning was bright enough, didn't even know what was the reason to even have silence footsteps stepping down the carpet. I wanted to head to the door, when a voice stopped me.
"Lea" full stop. I returned and turned my head to catch mum pouring Jeff a glass of warm milk. And three bowls of cereals were already laid out, apart from one being Jeff's. As his was the only bowl that had paw prints of colorful puppy dogs pictures on them. While two yellow porcelain bowls filled with cereal, waiting to be drown in milk, calling out for me. "Yes mother" weird how I suddenly called her "mother" for instance. "I mean, mum."
"Morning" I sat my ass down, sitting further away from Jeff and my mum from across the table. Taking my bowl of cereal and putting it right in front of me, while I scooch over to the edge of the chair, feeling my ass a little bigger now. Wondering what dinner I had last night to make me feel a little over weight the next day.
"Isn't Chloe coming down for breakfast?" she pointed to the other bowl of cereals, waiting to be eaten. She sat down, and took her reading glasses while she started reading the news on the morning paper. Which was frightening to even observe her that way. When those reading papers type of scene was supposed to be Dad's queue. I sat there, waiting for the milk to be passed down to me. If only Jeff was a little much older, I wouldn't have to stand up and get over to the other side of the table to reach for it. She noticed me, not middling with my food, or touching it. Just smelling the dry cornflakes. "Milk?"
"Yes, please" I held out my bowl of cereal, waiting for the warm milk.
"Your Dad told me what happen last night." I quickly swap back the bowl, making some of the milk spilled on the dinning table, dripping slowly down the carpet. "Lea!" she shouted as she scram to get a towel and wipe if all off. "I'm sorry Mum!" apologized, wasn't my intention. But it was hard enough not to show some fuss about Chloe. "What did Daddy said?" curious.
"He just told me that you had someone over. I thought you made mends with May as well, but I guess it was only Chloe" she sounded disappointed, enough to make me ask her what's her urge towards Chloe. Ever since I was friends with May and Chloe. She liked May better. If only she knew, who was the true friend behind those fake poker faces. "You dislike the fact about Chloe being here. Aren't you?" I asked, grabbing a bite of the cereal. "I could never dislike something that has already been done without my permission" she said, flawlessly. No tone. No emotions. Just words out from her mouth like a script written way to have a friction on some cold enemy. "She needed someone, I had to look after her. This isn't the first time I brought someone over mum. You know that" reminding her the times she used to make cookies and lemonades for us three whenever we got home panting and sweating from the fun we had making dogs chase us around the park.
" I know. I never said I didn't like Chloe. But she is just not that good of a friend for you Lea." A comment that made me struck so hard like a lightning rod. "What exactly are you trying to say mum?"
Jeff's spoon fell on the ground, interrupting our conversation. I'm glad it happened, before I even think twice of having an argument in the early morning. She took up the spoon, Jeff started eating the cereals with his small little hands, even his baby bit wasn't helping to cover up the stains on his new alfit I never seen before.
"Chloe's mum called earlier" I stopped, to hear the rest of it. Thinking her mum is furious about leaving her house empty handed, with no news from her daughter. And it has only been a day. "From Europe?" I said.
"Yes, she wants Chloe to give her a ring back. Urgent I suppose." she said, wiping of Jeff's drool.
"Her parents are getting a divorce" I said bluntly, not wanting to keep it inside anymore, she has to know why Chloe was over at my place in the first place. "I know, Mrs Tale told me so"
"Here, take this upstairs to her." she handed a tray with a bottle of warm milk and the bowl of cereals already drown in milk as well. "Thanks Mum"
I pushed the door open with my foot, Chloe standing there puffing a cigarette. "Morning" she said, taking the tray from my bare hands. " My mum made breakfast"
"Ah..the smell. Lovely people" she smiled
The bed was neatly made, and everything was still in place. "I took a quick shower, and borrowed some of your clothes. If you don't mind" she started twirling in my big yellow shirt that my Dad accidentally bought when he taught it was a womans wear. Kinda more to a boyish style.
"Please, take what you need" finding the right time to tell her that her mum left her a message asking her to call her back a.s.a.p. Words, didn't budge. "So Chloe, what do you wanna do today?" I asked, looking at her puff her cigarette with a last puff, and threw it out the window. "What do you wanna do?" she sat next to me on the bed. "I don't really have a clue, yet"
"Maybe we should go on a double date?" I said excitedly, thinking it would actually be a good thing for her to ease the pain. "Double date? You mean, me and Ty, and you and Jeremy?" she looked away, wasn't interested. "Yeah, it would be fun!" I stretched out my hands up facing the ceiling. "For you it is"
"Oh come on Chloe, It'll be fun. I promise. Besides, Tyler really misses you."
" I don't feel like it" sounded so boring like nothing she does ever felt right anymore. I knew that feeling, I just didn't want it to drag that much of her energy system. "Please?"
A knock on the door. "Lea..."
"Yes Mum?" stood by the door, having my hands to hold on to the door knob. Just pressing my chest towards the wood surface. "Chloe's Mum is on the line. She wants to speak to her, now"
Chloe quickly got up, and headed to the door. Opening to find my mum keeping the phone away from her as it was has an awful stench. Insulted indeed. "Thank you" she took it from her.
"Yes mom?" she put it against her ear just as she walked away towards the window. Leaving her conversations between she and her mum couldn't be heard at all. Me, standing there with mum staring right at her. "Has anyone been smoking?" she asked as she peek through my room a little more intense now.
Grabbing my shirt and sniffing it like a lost puppy finding its way back home. "You've been smoking have you?" she asked. I looked over at Chloe, still whispering on the phone with her mum. And look out the window, hoping to find no cigarette's buds on the floor. It was a close call. "No I did not.God mum, you know me better than anyone else right?" I pushed her out of my room. "Let's give Chloe some privacy now shall we?" walked downstairs, keeping everything safe as the secret of me and Chloe smoking as not alarmed by anyone. I accompanied her halfway down the stairs while I got back up giving a reason to grab something from my room.
" I have to go " she said, putting her things in her bag as if she brought so many clothes to my home in the first place. " Um...what did your mum said?" I sat on the bed, with my legs folded.
"Nothing much." she answered, and continue packing. Taking out another cigarette before she could even lit it, I snatched it away from her. "Speak,Chloe" I said. She looked me in the eye long enough to make me gave her back the cigarette which I took. But she refuse to take it from my hands and went out the door. Having me chase her right outside of the house. Walking so fast like she was late for something urgent.
"Chloe stop!" panting, sweating.
"Look Lea, just go home okay? Just go home" she pushed me away, repeatedly making me back off from her. I stopped and just let her walk away from me. Not wanting to chase anymore.
"Thanks for everything" she turned her head back and continued walking. Standing there, wind blowing my hair all over the place. The smell of the atmosphere made me want to take a quick shower.
I looked down the street, only from the back I could see that Chloe was wiping her tears. As her hands kept on her cheeks as if she was holding back something. I wanted to know the reason she's leaving, I wanted to know the conversation she and her mum had earlier. But I could do anything as I'm the third party of things.
"What happened?" mum opened the door for me, as I just went straight upstairs to my room. Already undressing myself to take a cold shower. Wiping all the stains of my body like I was covered in mud before. Scrubbing every edge of my body. If I could I would just sit in my bathroom the whole entire day. Making all my finger tips all wrinkle looking. I thought of calling Jeremy over for company, but just as I held on to a bar of soap. I didn't know what gave me the idea, but I just stood up and took my toothbrush. And crave a heart shape, and wrote "fall for you" flashing back of small clips when Leon was with me, in the car. Our romance that only lasted long enough for me to remember those little details.
I wrapped myself in the bathrobe, and just gave a quick dry. Changing into my shorts and singlet before I head downstairs again.
" Lea..." dad was already home, so early on that afternoon. I just didn't expect him to come home so early. He usually likes spending more time in the office, than with us. Not that I'm complaining, but at least he does something he likes to do for the sake of money. "Dad? You're home?" I sat down on the couch opposite him as he sat on the one an only master chair we called. Mum was sitting next to me, hugging Jeff in her arms. "Yes, there's trouble at work...and" he wanted to say something, but just as his eyes were on my wet hair. He changed the topic. "Where is Chloe?" he asked.
"She's....with her mum". ( I think ) I said to myself.
"Oh, Okay.." he said.
"We should just tell her" mum suddenly spoke, but her attention was more on Jeff, holding on to him tighter now, while her other hand was holding on to mine.
"Tell me..what?" I looked at her, then back to dad's. He leaned forward with both his hands collide, finding a way to actually speak. "Honey..we" he stopped.
It was mum's turn to finish the sentence. "Daddy has been transfered to another place. His job in precise." she explained.
"There's some problems in my company Lea. I didn't have a choice"
I breathe in heavily, I knew this wasn't the only thing that they had in mind to tell me, I just kept quiet and Jeff keeps smiling at me. If only my little brother understands.
"We're thinking of moving" he said.
"Where?"
"Europe" mum answered.
"When?"
"Lea, talk to us." dad said. "Enough with the 5 W's" he continued.
"There's nothing to talk about. Everything is just so mess up. And now you're taking away one thing that's ever important to me!" I shouted."I'm not going anywhere. You guys go ahead. Enjoy Europe!" I took my car keys and went straight for a drive. Leaving my home back there, imagining that I won't have a home to get back to. Europe?What do they suppose I'll be doing there?
I dialed someone's number on my contact list. I didn't even care enough to see who I called. But all I know is someone picked up the phone. And just as I hear his voice. I stopped my car immediately.
"Lea?" ( Leon )
I gasp for air to breathe. My hands were shivering on the steering wheel. And some drip drops of tears was already falling down my cheeks. I wasn't thinking about anything else. But just listening to his voice on the other line. I felt calm. And I missed him so much I just wish to tell him right then. But I couldn't. I held on to the phone, but putting it down. Listening to him calling my name repeatedly. Thought to himself that we have some connection problem so I couldn't hear him. Somehow, he didn't put the phone down either. And he made a decision, to talk to me....
"Lea...are you okay?Is everything alright?"
"Where are you? Do you want me come over?"
"Lea...have you eaten yet?"
"Lea...you wanna know something?
I put the phone a little closer to my ear now. And finally had the guts to say something.
"Yea?" a small voice from me.
"I missed you" he said.
And I smiled to myself, and tears just fell. But still smiling wide, wishing he was actually in front of me, and I would wanna hug him like how I did before. But I know I couldn't.
"Can I meet you?"
I looked at the time, as much as I wanted to say yes. I was an unsure answer. I needed someone to be with. But I didn't want to be the one to choose.
" I..."
(incoming call from Jeremy )
We got outside, strolling down the pathway to no where, no maps or GPS on system telling us where to head to, all I could do was to follow Chloe's league, following her slow footsteps. Chloe stopped as she saw a group of guys kicking and fooling around with an empty can. Kicking it like playing soccer, and yelling " goal " though I could really figured who was the goalkeeper between those 5 guys in front of us. " You okay? " I whispered behind her, pulling her forward. But she still stopped, and pointed to one of them that was having a puff. Immediately I knew, in the back of her mind, she realized that throwing away her cigarettes was something to regret about. " I'll buy you some " I said, and walked into a store.
Looking around like I didn't had money while the old man behind the cashier counter was keeping a close eye on me as he stopped reading his newspapers and stood with his back straight. And threw his newspaper down on the floor, making it look like an accident.
"Can I help you. miss?" sounded like I was about to steal something from his shop. I looked outside and Chloe was just waiting for me, still staring at the guys. I was worried that they would do anything to her. So I just quickly pick one packets of cigarettes from the shelf behind the old man that was blocking my way and paid up.
"Here" I handed her the cigarettes, and she quickly snatched it away from me, putting one in her mouth and reached out her empty hand to me, expecting a lighter, which I've forgotten to buy in the first place. I hit my forehead with the palm of my hands "Shit, I've forgot" I wanted to head back to the store but she pulled me back.
"Excuse me" the boys stopped playing around as soon as she stopped. She walked towards them leaving me behind there staring. "May I have a light please?" she took out the cigarette from her mouth. "Sure" a guy came towards her, lighting it for her and smiling. The smile of some pervert which I didn't like as he kept staring down her shirt like she was already naked.
"We should go" I pulled her from them and started walking back to my car. Strapping her down in the seat.
"Are you crazy?" I yelled at her, I didn't know why was I angry, I just was.
"Why are you suddenly so pissed off?" she looked at me, and winded down the window, not keeping the smoke inside suffocating ourselves. I let go off the clutch and stepped on the paddle.
It was already night, skies were getting darker as I couldn't find any moonlight shinning down above us. Not many cars were around. I came to a junction were I almost turned left instead of turning right back to Chloe's and I suddenly found myself back at home. Parking, and turned off the engine.
"You should stay at my place tonight, not the other way round" I said, getting down and walking to her side of the door while I opened it for her. She, now puffing on her second cigarette, taking a step from my car and spitting. "Am I that messed up?"she asked, leaning back her head hard on the chair and just sat there. I pulled her out of the car. While her hands were swinging everywhere. "Just go. Let me be" she said.
I pulled her up anyway, not wanting any passer by judge her. Calling her names by the way she's reacting like a messed up chick in rebound. " I don't..." she said as she stopped and started to puke. I dragged her to the corner of my house, and she started vomiting the dinner we had earlier. I felt my own stomach thinking it was the food we ate before. But I felt just fine.
I repeatedly stroke her back "Let it all out" and she puked more and more. Tears were already falling down her cheeks, her face went red and stumbled down on the ground. I took out a napkin that I took from the shop earlier and wiped her mouth before holding her up while putting her arm around my shoulders, pulling her up slowly. Feeling rather bad about all these. She was like a walking corpse, about to take her life out slowly. She wasn't a smoker before, or a drinker. She was none of them and neither was me and May. We were three young girls who were brought up by good families in our generation. But so, Chloe's family was falling apart, and I knew what it was like if I had to be in her place one day. I knew everyone should be ready.
I took the garden hose and wet my hands while I wiped away all the puke that was still dripping down her mouth. I quickly rang the door bell and finding hard to stand on my two feet trying to support Chloe as she kept slipping down.
"Lea?" dad opened the door and helped me carried Chloe and landed her on the couch. Me, sweating and half of my shirt was wet, grab a class of tap water and drank it before going back to Chloe.
"What happened?" dad felt her pulse and put felt her forehead with the back of his hand. Like a professional doctor. I took a blanket from the store room, and put it over her. "She had a bad day. Her parent's are splitting up. She just couldn't take it anymore" I said, looking around.
"Where's mum? and Jeff?" I asked, hoping to meet them though its already pass 10pm now. Usually mum would sing lullabies for Jeff before she goes to bed along with him. "She's asleep. I could get her if you want me too" dad stood up. "No, its alright dad. I'll look after Chloe, you should sleep" I said, following him halfway up the stairs.
"Alright then, just give a knock if you need anything" dad gave a kiss on my forehead before entering his master bedroom. "Goodnight"
I went back to my room, changing into my dry pajamas and went downstairs to find Chloe wasn't there on the couch anymore. The blankets looked like it had been kicked, and I quickly ran outside shouting out her name. Worried sick as my heartbeat could feel some bad urge about to happen, that kills inside.
"Lea?" she came out from nowhere behind me. Handling me a cup of hot chocolate with small marshmallows.
"Chloe? I thought, you were..."
"Missing?" she laughed. "I got up, and my stomach was empty so I thought I borrowed your kitchen and made some hot chocolate.". I was stupid that I didn't gave 3 seconds to check the kitchen area before heading out to the garden to look for her.
"Thanks" I took a sip of the hot coco and we both got in, and sat at the dinning table. She looked better, but her face was still as pale as before. " You should change. You're cold" I rubbed my hands on her shoulders trying to make her feel a little warmer. " Come on, I'll dry you up" I said, holding on to her hands up to my room.
Chloe sat on the toilet bow with the lid down, pulling her legs up. She was only in her undies as I looked for some clothes for her to put on. "Here, put this on"
"You should get some rest, its late" usually we would stay up all night to gossip about things that didn't came close on bothering us. "Can we talk?" asking me like it was a request.
"Not in the bathroom we can't"
She wrapped herself with my blankets and I sat beside her with my legs folded. "Have you talked to May?" she said.
"Why would I?" I didn't like how the conversation was going.
"I'm just asking"
"Chloe, does Tyler know about you and your parents?" I asked, wondering why she never talk about Tyler. Not even saying out his name at all ever since we had dinner. Usually she would have some new wonderful things to talk about how she admired him. But she just kept silent.
"He's not important" she said, bluntly.
"I thought he was important. To you." I took out my cellphone and handed it to her. "You should call him, I bet he's worried sick about you" she pushed my hands away.
"Jeremy would've told him the news. I don't want to be the problematic girl friend to tell him everything." she put her head on my thigh.
She has a point there, but still. She acted different.
"I just needed you here" she said, as she closed his eyes and went to a deep sleep.
"I'm here" I stroke her hair back and slept next to her.
In the middle of the night, my cellphone rang. I answered it as fast as lighting, forgotten that my ring tone wasn't silent. It was Jeremy. I went out of the room.
"Hey, are you okay? Is Chloe okay?" he sounded worried.
"Everything is fine. I'm back home now. Looking after Chloe. She's just in a mess"
"Yeah, I could see that. Do you want me to come over?"
"Usually, you wouldn't be asking me that question. You would already be over right?" I laughed.
"You're right. Please open to door for me will ya? It's cold outside. Unless you want your boyfriend to freeze"
I quickly put down the phone and unlocked the door, finding Jeremy outside with a box of pizza.
"Yummy?" he said. " I bet you're hungry, so thought of bringing something. Since I didn't get the chance to actually have dinner with you girls" he said in a sad tone.
"It's not my fault you didn't want to come with, you know?" grabbing a slice of pizza and chewing it.
"So, where's Chloe?" he asked, looking at me as he pulled out a chair and sat closer to me making our shoulders meet.
"She's fast asleep upstairs."
"I told Tyler about her. And her smoking.." he stopped.
I frowned at him immediately. "What? He has to know what's been going on with his girl." he said, holding on to my hands.
"Its been a while since I actually spend my time with you." he said.
"Don't change the topic Prince Charming" I smiled and held on to his hands tighter. I landed my head on his shoulders and he put his other arm around me. Cuddling.
"Too many things happen. And you're still here. With me" I look up to him. Hoping that my simple words would actually meant something to him, as he did mean everything to me.
"As long as I'm here. Everything will be fine" kissed my forehead.
"Will it?" I asked.
"I believe it will. I promise you" he pulled my cheeks up and gave a small peck on my lips.
"I trust you Jeremy"
" Do tell Tyler that Chloe is at my place, he could come and visit anytime he wants to" getting back to the topic.
"I don't want to see anyone" Chloe came out from behind the wall and pulled out a chair and just sat there in front of me and Jeremy. "Chloe, I thought you were asleep?" I said as Jeremy let go of my shoulders, feeling a little awkward.
" I was, but then. I didn't felt safe, when you weren't there. Now I know why" she looked at Jeremy. A cold look. This wasn't like her, this wasn't like her at all. Her stare was as if, she was jealous about Jeremy being with me.
"He came over, and he brought pizza's. You should have some"
"I'm not hungry" her eyes still looking at Jeremy. Making him felt uncomfortable. "I guess I should go" he got up and headed to the door. " Don't " I said, pulling him back.
"It's late. You don't want to have your girlfriend to have a headache in the morning now do you?" Chloe said as she stood next to me. I was annoyed enough to pull Jeremy closer to me. "You could stay if you want to" I said, frowning at Chloe.
"Suit yourself." she went back upstairs and slammed my door.
"I think she doesn't want me around, I could go"
"No, she's not the owner of the house here. Besides, I want you here" I said, holding on to his arm.
"Is there anything you'd like to tell me Lea?" he caught me looking upstairs to my room. "No, nothing that will concern you. I'm fine" I kissed his cheeks, pretending that everything is alright. When deep down, I knew something was odd with Chloe. And I've got to find out what and why.
"I bumped into Leon and May earlier. I was buying some groceries with my mum. And they were buying apples or something." I wasn't interested to hear the rest. "I don't want to know anything about them"
Jeremy came over behind me, and hug me from the back. " I know, I'm sorry".
"Its not your fault. I'm just too sensitive about their issues. I would like it, if I only think about you." I said.
" I want to forget about them" I continued.
"You will" he said.
There was a loud knock on the door. Jeremy opened it to find Tyler. " Where's Chloe!" she rushed in, pushing Jeremy aside.
"Dude, seriously? At this hour?" I said angrily. "Well, what do you expect? My own girl friend wouldn't tell me anything" he said and looked upstairs.
"She's in your room isn't she?" he wanted to go upstairs but didn't as me and Jeremy both pulled him back down. "Do keep quiet will you?"
"Are you insane? Its 2am, my parents would be awake with your ruckus !"
"Seriously Ty, we'll come back here in the morning alright?" Jeremy pushing him out.
"Jeremy could come by. And I couldn't? I wanna see Chloe !" he shouted. I closed him mouth with my hands. " If you ever ever shout again, I ain't gonna let you see her. Now please, just go."
Jeremy pulled Tyler away.
"I'm sorry. I'll call you later." he said as he kept dragging Tyler away from my house, a little further away now.
I went back upstairs, to find Chloe just sitting there on my bed, not sleeping.
"That was long..." she said.
