Thinking if I was already dead, wanting to follow the light.Trying to toss a little to the right, something was poking me from behind. "1,2,3...lift"a voice.
Now I could feel my whole body on a comfortable bed, 3 of the nurses pushed me like one of those trolleys in those supermarkets when the shops held a big sale. I grabbed on tight. Still trying to breathe.
I tried to keep my eyes open, but I just slept on. Last thing I remembered, I was still struggling to breathe.
Someone grabbed on to my hands, I felt a cinch of tears on my palms. Someone had been crying next to my bed, could tell it was my mum. True enough, I opened my eye lids. The curtains still closed, but it was obvious enough to tell it was in the late evening already. Didn't want to know how long was I out, the only thing that mattered at that time, was feeling all my body parts attached accordingly to my body. Good God, nothing was fractured just as bad, but my left leg was broken. Could be heal, but take months to do so.
"Honey? You're awake?"she reached out for my hair, stroking it. Sitting a little closer to me now. Dad kept his arm around her, and the other on my hand as well. Jeff, kept his head on my blanket on the other side of the bed, staring at me with his eyes all red. "Will Lea be okay?" he said, and ran towards Mum and Dad, grabbing him and holding him up. "Of course she will baby, she'll come home with us tomorrow. The doctor says that she's fine." mum started to smile, while looking at me. I was too distracted, I didn't say a word. But pictured what it was like to have a bad headache, and how the accident happen. I tilt my head, and support it from laying back on the bed with my hand.
"Are you okay honey?" Dad said.
"Get the doctor" Mum pointed out to the door, and sat next to my bed, feeling my pulse like a real nurse. I wasn't even sure why she did it. But she did. Then I remembered, I wasn't in a dream, that everything was real. Me in a white room, with my family. With weird things attached to my body, keeping me alive. Felt like I was charging myself all the way.
"Wait" I said, but Dad opened the door anyway. And a doctor came in uninvited with a nurse following from behind with documents in hand. He was tall and had dark brown hair, wore glasses, and the name tag stated "Dr. Mike Doug". I kept my head lowered to see what was he up to. If there were any medications need to be taken. Or was I still drunk at that time. I wouldn't know.
"Doctor, do check on my daughter. Is she alright?" my mother started to be bossy. Dr. Mike came over to my side, and started to check my pulse.And whispered to the nurse like it was so secretive to not even be shared to. She just nodded and dotted down anything that went out of words from his mouth. "She's fine, she's just having a normal headache that's all" he answered. Everyone was relieved, I took it as a small matter. Then something struck me like a lightning bolt.
"Leon?" I sat with my back straight up. Wanted to get down from my bed, but dad stopped me. "I need to see Leon! Where is he? Is he alright?" Mum and Dad kept quiet, as they both stared at the doctor. Same time. I stared to, knowing something was not going right. Knowing if he was safe. I breathe heavily..
"You mean the other passenger that was with you? Leon Parker yea?" the doctor asked.
He whispered again to the nurse, and she started flipping through the folded pages, and she handed it to Dr.Mike to view. "hmm" looking through the list. My heart beating as fast as I was breathing.
"He's just 3 door away from your room. He's wounded quite badly, but we managed to save him." I heard the news and exhale hard. So did my Mum and Dad. "Can I see him now?" I said, wanting to get off from the bed already. "Yeah sure." he smiled.
"But, only you were the ones who were lucky in the accident" he said. And I stopped to look at him, before I could recall the accident. We didn't hit a tree, or a lamp post, but another car was involved. I sat back down on my hospital bed. "The victims in the other car...were they..."
"The boy is in a bad coma. He's having a really bad brain damage." he answered.
"Will he live?" I asked, concerned. Feeling bad enough. Mum pat my shoulders.
The doctor just shook his head and wanted to go out the door, but I stopped him with one last question.
"What's the room number of this boy? I would like to meet him. The least I could do." I said.
"It's just next to yours, the one on the right." the nurse answered.
"Thank you" I said. And they both left the room.
"Mummy, I'm hungry!" Jeff started to yell. "We suppose we should go to the cafeteria and get something. You'll be okay here hon?" Dad said. "I'll be doing some visiting if I'm not here" I said.
"We understand, take your time. And walk slowly, your foot isn't that strong." Mum said as she was about to close the door.
I struggled to reach out for the walking stick, and clipped it underneath my arm pits, and started to walk slowly. One step in front of the other, like a beginner. Like a baby first footsteps. I held on the the walls. I wanted to pay a visit the victim that was just next to my room. But then, I had to know is Leon was alright. I opened his room. And his mum was there, feeding him some plain porridge.
"Lea?" he turned to look at me. " Mrs Parker, Leon..." I smiled. She put the bowl of porridge back in his hands and helped me inside the room. I sat on the chair next to Leon, while she sat at the opposite side of me. "My my girl, you're so pretty" she said, continued feeding Leon with the other hand. He, smiling and smirking at me while at it. " Mum, this is Lea. The girl I was telling you about." he said. I held on to his sheets, somehow those words made me felt nervous for some reason. I was already blushing. Hiding my face with both my hands.
"I'm really sorry about my son behavior. And his reckless driving." she gave a slight hit on his shoulders. Making me smiled and giggled to myself. "Mum! Don't embarrass me please!" he said.
"But I am, really sorry" he looked to me and held on to my hands. Held on tight if I was already letting him go.
"Ahemmm" Mrs Parker gave a sound, that made him let go of my hands. "I'm glad you're alright" I said.
"Me too, I really am sorry."
I looked around me. " Doesn't anyone know we are here?" I asked, wanted the question to link to May.
"I'm not sure. But my mum said that May, Chloe and Ty came by earlier. And they went home." Jeremy's name wasn't there. I kept wondering where is he. " And Jeremy? Didn't he swing by?" I looked to Mrs Parker. And they both were quiet.
"You didn't know Lea?" Leon sat closer to me now, his both hands on my shoulders. And he started to shed some tears. "Know what?" I asked.
"The victim in the other car......."
"was Jeremy..." I stopped blinking immediately, I didn't take my walking stick and tried walking out the door drastically, already about to fall over. Hitting a nurse. And I came to the door. As I opened it. There he was...
"Jeremy..." I whispered, with every step I took. "Jeremy...." I whispered again to myself. Only softer now. Little steps I took. My eyes on him, his head bandaged. His life support machine was barely keeping him alive. I know he couldn't hear me. I know he couldn't move. But I looked at him. I just looked...
"Jeremy..." one last say, and I was already next to his bed. Close enough to touch his hands. His cold hands. I couldn't feel any pulse. I sat there, trying to smile. Wiping my tears, but only more came down.
Drip drip, drop drop...
I grabbed his hands anyway. Both of them, and stuck them to both sides of my cheeks. Making me look like a bloated up puffer fish. But it didn't matter. I started kissing his empty palms repeatedly. Then I put my head on his flat stomach. And closed my eyes for just a while.
I started talking to myself.
I started telling him how was my day. How funny I look with my leg twisted like that. And what did I do in the streets the other day. About the birds, the old lady and my one and only wish.
"You know, I always hated you so much I wanted to kill you in my sleep."
"You know, I once put some soya sauce in your coke. And I remembered the look on your face when you drank it. It was funny" I started laughing to myself. But I stopped, knowing I was laughing alone.
I started to cry again.
" I remember, how pissed off you get when I took those science notes from you, and throw them out of the window. But you wouldn't say a thing, but climb out the window to grab it back again." I kissed his fingers.
"I remembered, how you're the stubborn type that doesn't listen to advices, but end up giving one to others."
"I remembered how you gave all the teachers silly names so that we could mock them even when they are around" I started laughing again.
"I remembered...." I stopped, and tears just flow...
"I remembered, when you came over, just to have pizza with me."
"I remembered when you brought me over to your secret hideout"
"I remembered when you held on to me, just to make me feel safe"
"I remembered how angry you get if I ever stay quiet in the car"
"I remembered how..."
"You loved me....." I cried...
There was some space on the side, enough for me to crawl over to his bed, and just laid next to him. I chased the clock away, making it not existed. I put my hands on his chest, and kissed my fingers, making them wet as I put them on his lips. And I sobbed in tears while I lay there in bed, feeling his body next to me.
"Lea..." Dr Mike stood in front of me, along with two grown ups with I expected was Jeremy's parents. I wiped my tears and got down from his bed. "I'm...sorry" I swallowed my saliva back in. Face pale, eyes still gazing to Jeremy's face. Sighed.
"It's time" he said to the nurse. She was standing next to the machine that was keeping Jeremy alive. "Wait, what are you doing?" I stopped her hands.
"Its for the best dear" Jeremy parent's said. "We're taking him off life support. He's not getting any better Lea." Dr Mike answered. And nodded for the nurse to continue her work. But I stopped her again.
"You can't do this! This has to be a mistake! He could be cured. He could!" I shouted.
"Keep your voice down young lady" Jeremy's dad made a move towards me. "You are making the most biggest mistake of your entire life!" I said, holding on to Jeremy's hand. "Just look at your son! He's breathing...he is" I said.
"His brain is badly damaged. He.." his mother started to cry. I didn't want to make this worst, but I didn't want to back down either. I held on tighter to his hands now. Whispered to his ears. " I won't let them take you away from me. I won't" I kissed his cheeks.
"Please go.." the doctor pointed to the door to me, like it was an order I had to follow.
"I'm not going anywhere!" I said.
"Lea..what is this?" Mum and dad heard the ruckus and started dragging me out. "Daddy..No.....I can't" I held on to the door, with my nails scratched hard on the pavement.
"Jeremy!!" I shouted. The door slammed, I was locked outside with my parents trying to calm me down. I look through the small window. And just as I shouted..
Dear Diary, I went to his grave today, with white roses I made from plastic, cause I knew it will stay as beautiful as he has always been. Dear Diary, I spend half the day, feeling the carve of his name on the rock and kissed it repeatedly.
Dear Diary, it has been 4 years now. I'm still doing the same thing, everyday. Without fail, I would come over, and sometimes have pizza near his tomb stone. I would talk to him in my sleep every night before I go to bed.
Dear Diary, I told him about how you made me stronger now. It has been raining ever since. And so is my tears flowing. The other day, I saw a guy who was just like him, and I smiled at him. While the stranger smiled back. It was the most happiest day for me.
Dear Diary, me and the girls are much better now. Chloe continued her studies in New York, while May handled the boutique that was selling like hot cakes across town. My family have been staying in Europe ever since. But I stayed here with him....
Dear diary, I have something that I've been wanting to tell him a long time ago, but I wanted to make it fast and catchy, but words weren't the same...
In 1 minute I had 70 words for him.
To live for you, was to feel your death in me. To die for you, I felt you lived in me. I cried everyday, but it was tears of happiness. I wish you well, in the afterlife with hope I will meet you one day. I wanted to die, now more than ever, but I promised, that I'll be strong through this summer..You are nothing enough to be always loved by me.
-Time may run out, but feelings don't.-