Friday, April 29, 2011

Chapter 19

    On waiting line, Jeremy was still calling. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know which button to click. It was like the first time I noticed how complicated my cell phone was.The screen kept flashing repeatedly.That the most latest model could be the most stupid choice made to buy. I came across of criticizing my own cell, trying to ignore the fact that they are two boys in the waiting line. 

I looked around me, and just turned off the engine, and started walking down the street. My phone was still on vibrate. My other hand, in my pocket. Me just nodding down, continued walking on the street.

 Walking... hoping to bump into someone normal. I wasn't even walking right, the left-side of my body was actually more heavier than I thought. A couple of times which I picked to tip over, but didn't as someone would yell across the pathway saying " Watch where you're going " and I would just smile and kept walking. Strolling off to nowhere.

A sudden silence. My cell phone no longer vibrates, swallowed a whole mouthful of saliva before even viewing the rest. 20 missed calls from Jeremy and 12 from Leon. 8 differences. In the back of my mind, I would want to call someone back. But the question triggers as I didn't know who to call. There was Leon, a boy whom I thought was my everything. Happens to actually love my best friend instead, behind my back. Hurting me not that much, but he did hurt me.

 And there was Jeremy, a boy whom I hated before, many times crossed my mind that I would tie him up a pillar and hope for a huge dragon to drag him away. Many times, but he turned out to be better as he was there for me. In a weird way, I feel for him as he did for me. But why did I call Leon instead of Jeremy? When I know, I shouldn't be the one going back to something that threw me away before. Feeling not needed at all. I relied on him.

 But no longer I should. I took some time. Sitting on a bench next to an old lady, feeding pigeons with seeds from a small brown paper bag. It appears she had been feeding them for ages. I could hear her mumbling to herself and naming all the pigeons one by one. I find it rather interesting, so I kept a closer eye on her. I happen to love animals, especially the ones with long ears like bunny rabbits. I usually dress up as one on Halloween's and ended up getting carrots instead of candies. But still, carrots were the reason I had sparkling eyes to show. 

"You know, pigeons are very loyal lovers" she started talking, I didn't see anyone around that looked to her way, it was only me alone, on the bench. Though I'm seated a little further from her, I took the courtesy to sit right next to her with my hands on my thigh. Listening to what she has to say. 
" You see how the other bird is pushing the seed towards its mate, using its beak.? " she pointed to one of the pigeons, but I didn't see any seed passing thing happening. But I smiled anyway. She was obviously taking time to learn about these pigeons. So I kept listening.

She turned over to look at me. Her grey white curls looking for a way out from her wool hat, together with her long sleeve red sweater. I wonder how she could even stand underneath those horrid warm clothing under a weather like this. I started sweating by just looking at her. She looked lost, she looked almost like a beggar, but the only thing that caught my eye, was her amazing smile. She grabbed the palm of my hand, and laid on some seeds into mine, and smiled. "Wish for something, and they shall bring your wish up to highest sky as they fly."

"Go on" she insisted, continued feeding them.

I wished for something, only I know what it was. So I threw down the seeds, flying across the pathway. And the birds started to peck on them. "That was fun" I said to myself, enough to be heard by the old lady.

"Animals know, what we humans are feeling inside. Just by looking at you with one sight. They know..." she sounded serious, enough to make me call her a black witch, with all the voodoo spells in the back of my mind. 

"What is your name dear girl?"

"Lea..." I answered, eyes on the pigeons.

"Are you in love my child?" she asked something personal. I took a step back and leaned against the bench, putting my hair at the back of my ears and started to sigh. 
"Is it that obvious?" I asked

She held on to my hands. "For a young maiden teenage like you, shouldn't be sitting on a bench feeding pigeons with an old lady you just knew don't you think so?" she made it sound like a mistake for giving her company in the first place. But I know her words meant well. 

"I know that look" she continued.

"The look of confusion" she smiled.

" Have you been in love?" I asked.

" I have. Once. With a guy who was married to another on our 3rd anniversary" she nodded her head down. I felt bad asking her something personal. But she was generous and honest enough to answer them in the first place. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Don't be child. I love him. And he was the on. He is still the one" her words meant so much, that I could felt the pain she gone through with the wedding bells just ringing right above her head. Seeing her lover walking down the aile with another. How much pain she went through. How much tears she cried. I will never know. But she was still there, waiting for him, though she know well, he wouldn't turn back to go after her.

"Go to the one you know you'll never have, but you know you should" she said.

I grabbed hold of her shoulder and gave her a big teddy bear hug. Couldn't find the words to tell her how useful her advice was to me. As I gave a small peck on her cheeks, I waved goodbye and went back to my car.

My phone rang, and I was so excited that I picked it up hoping it was..................



"Where are you?" I was smiling, back tracking the advice that the old lady gave to me. I knew what I had to do. I missed Leon, and I knew. He was the one that I'm willing to chase for.

"I'm near.....the downtown area or something. Why? Wanna meet me?"

"Yes please, I'll come get you. Where are you?"

"No, I'll go there. Where should we meet Leon?"

"The park. I'll be there in 10" he answered.

       The park was filled with green layers of grass carpets. People were dating everywhere, all couple spots in the center, on the right side and on the left side. I was the only one standing there with my arms wrapped around me looking for a partner. Looking for Leon to come get me. The wind was breezing rather strong, blew my hair all over. I quickly made a fast groom on myself, and just as I turn around. There was Leon, walking towards me. His hair a little longer now, covering his eyes upfront. He smiled across the pathway, wearing his white jacket and jeans. Simple and yet adoring to look at. 

I smiled, and kept smiling. Like it was the first time I laid eyes on him. But something was not right, yes. Something was not right at all. 

"Lea" he hugged  me tight in his arms and nothing I expected when he gave me 2 kisses on my cheeks each side. I closed my eyes just as his lips touched my skin. And hold them close to me, trying not to blush any much more now. "I missed you" he said.

(How I missed you more Leon)

 We sat in the middle of the crowd, but a little further. Finding a spot under a shaded tree. I sat on a higher ground of a rock. While Leon sat next to me on the ground, lower than me. A couple of times I caught him smiling to himself, but I didn't have anything to ask. I wanted to, but I know I shouldn't. 

"How is Jeremy?" he said

"How is May?" I asked, and he smiled while held on to my hands. "Are you happy Lea?"

"Are you Leon?" I asked, feeling rather terrible at that moment. I just stood up. Wanted to leave him behind. Just by looking at his ideal pair of eyes, the only thing that kept me staying on. The only thing that made me fall in love with him before. But just as I look at him. I was looking at an enemy. A person I should have let go before. The person that was caught making out with my own best friend. A person that hurt me.

"I should go" I got down from the rock, and started walking really fast. Leon came chasing me, and pulling me back. "Why is this so hard?" I said, sobbing looking down to the ground.

"Why is this so hard?" I said again.

"I missed you...I loved you. But you never felt the same...." Leon just grabbed hold of my shoulders and hugged me again. And I just let our moments be. I thought, why couldn't I just be with Leon, why must I go through with other guys and came back to the first that made me feel safe. But came around hurting me in plenty other ways. 

"I'm moving..." I said.

"What?" he sounded calm. Calm enough, I felt he never did cared anyway. So I kept the answer to myself. Eyes still on him. Angry eyes.

"You don't have to know. I'll be gone. I won't come back after this."

"Lea, you have something to tell me. But you aren't speaking up. So speak" he said.

"And why should I? Don't you have like a girl friend to go back to? Why are you here anyways? Why are we here?And why are you still hugging me?Geez!" I pushed him aside.

Feeling annoyed, and angry at the same time. Kicking everything that was in my way, any small pebbles. Just rather anything to make me give a slight kick.
"What's your problem? I miss you Lea, I miss you" he said.

"You miss me, but you never did needed me" I said.

"Have you ever love me Leon?" I didn't wanted to hear the honest answer from him. But before I do get my ass in Europe and settle things with my own life. I rather be hurt now, than go on wondering if he was the only one for me. 

"I did" he answered.

"How much?"

He kept quiet. And he pulled me against his chest. " Don't go" he said.

"I should" I answered.

"I want to bring you somewhere. Somewhere I should have brought you a long time ago" he said, insisted that I follow him. I wasn't doing anything better. So I did. It was the last memory I would want to have with him. Between me and Leon, nothing was going too fast. As time will eventually stop one day.

    In the car, we both didn't say a word. Both ego's collide, concurred the whole car in a midst of destruction. None was saying anything. He was speeding like a mad guy happening to have a DY district. But I kept my mouth to myself. Shutting up just looking out the window. Feeling the breeze.

    I looked up in front of me, to find that we were about to go through a red light. I grabbed hold on Leon's shirt. And he just asked me to hold on. "Stop the car Leon!!" I screamed. Another car was about to drive by, and I knew there and then, we would bump into it and things would get scary. I knew, this would be the most biggest accident I had in my whole entire life.

 And it was too late. Everything was spinning, the whole car turned and twirled. My head bumped onto the dash board hard. The hard pressure felt on everything my heart just dropped. 

Time just went fast as quick as lighting. My eyes went close. I felt my body was half cut. I couldn't feel my pulse. 

There, an accident in the middle of the road. Me and Leon, emerged with another car. My head was bleeding, I looked over to my side. Leon also bleeding, and his eyes were close, head on the steering wheel. I grabbed hold on his hands. All red stains were everywhere. We were both losing quite amount of blood.

Could hear the environment around us. People were yelling "Get them out..get them out" my eyes were to blurred, as my hair covered in blood was sticking on to my face, and I didn't bother to pushed them away. My legs were pressed and stuck underneath the car seat. We both just laid there. And everything went pitch black.

Eyes open on a red and blue spin of lightning, A blitzkrieg of voices, noises. A metal rod pierces the side of the car, jaws it apart. Uniforms. I'm in Hell and they wear uniforms. One man shouts. Another says in a soothing voice "We'll get you out. Don't worry." He wears a badge. Another paramedic yells to someone I can't see. He recoils at the sight of me. Are they supposed to do that? Blackness.

Clueless, still hearing people yelling in the back ground. A lady came over smashing my glass window, and tried to pull me out. It hurts so bad I just couldn't find the strength to even actually scream as my leg was still crushed I could barely push myself towards her. A man, helped her to pull me out. My other hand, was still holding on to Leon. And I looked back to him to find that someone is pulling him out too on the other side. So I focused on my part of the story. Everything, pitch black. Blur...A big blur.

"you'll be alright honey" the lady said, her voice didn't hear clearly as everything was a big messed in my head. I felt like throwing up instead. I was calling out Leon's name in my sleep. But my eyes were so dead close. I just whispered in my sleep.

Another voice" Get the other guy out."

an another "This one is hurt pretty bad" and I hear people running towards the incident. The big noise of the ambulance just drove my head insane. I wanted to get up to see if Leon was alright, but everyone was just surrounding me, I couldn't make a move to even get up. I felt my legs, struggling with my hands. All I felt was the blood all around me, didn't know where it came from. but I was almost covered in most areas. I thought to myself that I'm going to die. Set up a prayer, and apologize for everything in my past if this would be the day that I make mends meet.

"You'll be alright" a voice, invisible figured. Tucked me underneath the blankets. She put an oxygen mask covering half my face, and my eyes kept blinking. I'm strapped to a pine board. A voice, "Three, two, one, lift" The sky rushes towars me and then away from me. "In" says the voice.

Eyes opened. The thud of wheels like a shopping cart on concrete.

Everything...pitched black. Too weak to get up, too weak to speak. Too weak to think. Too weak....too weak.....

I imagined, I was about to fly up to heaven, to meet the creator. I imagined I was in a corpse field, flying kits. Playing balloons. And just be happy.

Death....Pitch black...

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