Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Chapter 15

      I took out her house keys, still juggling them, looking back and gave out a lazy wave to Jeremy that was still having hard time to leave me alone. I’m sure he was just waiting for the right time for me to run away, just as he drove off without his consent. But I wasn’t packed for running away, my needed gears aren’t attached to my back, just a couple of bucks in my pocket which I don’t plan on using unless it’s an emergency. My stomach went grumbling, speaking of food, looking into the long glass window next to the door and tapping it repeatedly to see if anyone was home. No answer. The porch was not swept, dry leaves were all over the place, and this wasn’t how Chloe’s mum would have kept the place. Maybe both her parents went to the Caribbean living her all alone in this messed up shack, expecting her to clean it up. Which I have to say, would be called a miracle, as Chloe doesn't like to clean anything else except her own room. 

I walked around the porch, still not finding my way in. Jeremy drove off and gave out a honk as a way of saying goodbye. I perched to one side, reaching out my cell phone, figuring out a script on what reason to give to my mum. The day was drooling all over me, I looked over my shoulder and saw a chubby girl in shorts, walking her thin skinny looking dog. At least she had company. The wind was breezing through, most of my hair was already entangle but I didn’t have much care to untangle them. Me, still holding on to the cell phone, wondering what to say to Mum, or how to explain to Dad. Whether I should be at home resting right now, or just get a grip and get my ass into Chloe’s crib. 

       As I set foot into Chloe’s house, I felt a light breeze, only creepier than the natural ones Mother Nature had for me outside a while ago. It was like walking into a haunted mansion, those cold blooded gargoyles statues just staring right at you like they were alive. I watched too many ghost stories, the reason why I sometimes scare myself or even pee in my own shorts. It was obvious enough that no adults were at home, I plan on dishing up something, but in my mood swings at that moment, I rather choose not to touch anything, before someone, or something gets hurt and nailed by me. I have my bad days, today is just one of them. I opened up the refrigerator, still having the intention to cook something, or heat up something, but knowing Chloe, she’s more of a dine out person. And now with Tyler in the picture, I believe she had tons of lamb shank stuffed in her empty stomach whenever she is hungry. Lamb shank happens to be one of her favourites for mediterrandan delight.

No eggs, just some cold leftovers of an unknown food course that I don’t have the intention of knowing what it was before, or how it tasted as it has been expired for quite a long time by the stench of it. Says it all. 
I made my way to Chloe’s room, noticed that her bed is now in right side corner, along with her cupboards shifted to the edge of the room and her study table on the left near the bathroom. I put down my bags and went over to the bed, making myself all cosy and comfy under the warm comforter with little daisies on them.
The times when I hid under the covers together with May and Chloe, us reading story books and playing dress up with just a torch light for our own lime light fame. The time when nothing matters as we only took Ken, the Barbie doll of a male structure as our boyfriends. Remembering how we would get on each other’s nerves when everyone of us had our own Ken Doll, but still goes around bugging each other about which ones to be crowned the most charming one. As the fact is, all Ken dolls are the same, and only realized it when we turned 9. 

        I looked around Chloe’s wall, all glued on with our pictures, our best friends forever poster. A big pile of memories scattered all over the wall. Chloe had good taste in positioning pictures together, burning the edges making it look epic. Praised work for an about to be graphic designer.

All of a sudden, my cell phone came ringing. It was from my home. Still thinking what to say, I just picked it up breathing in, trying to fake a breath of me having an asthma attack. “Hello? Is that you Lea?” Mum said, of all the things she would ask. How could anyone get wrong about calling my phone number, and still asking if it was me in the first place?

“Yes Mum. Who else would it be? How are you?” sounding a little further away from her now, like I had been away for a long time and a distant from my own family.  Still asking the basic questions of “how they are doing” wise. Sounded so weird just hearing my own voice spoke like that.

“I’m good” she cleared her throat. “Mr Hampton called earlier just now” I quickly got up from the bed, started to walk in circles helplessly. Me, still kept quiet for a long time on the line. Long enough for her to say “Did anything happen today at the boutique Lea?”- “Want to talk about it?”

“Not now Mum. Nothing is wrong.”-“And Mum, I will be staying it Chloe’ for tonight, and maybe a couple more nights.” Looking at the clock now, hoping that Chloe was already back, at least I had someone to show a grin to or a slight frown. 

“It has been so long since you had a sleep over with Chloe. And now you’re suddenly shifting tables to be at her place rather than your own?” sounded a little disappointed in her tone of her voice. I just stayed quiet still. Grabbing my cell phone a little loosen now, making it almost slipped down my hands. “It’s fine” she said. I could feel that she didn’t want me to explain anything, but was already relieved that I told her where I was. 
“I’m sorry Mum” I said, feeling rather guilty for not being too honest with her. “Just let me know if you need anything at all. We love you very much” the phrase she always use, to make me feel bad enough already, just a little deeper now, whenever she drills me about how much my family is there for me, how much she is there for me. 

“I love you all too, Mum” I said. We said our goodbyes, and I just land on my bed again. Feeling rather bored out of my skulls. I took the urge to go downstairs and use Chloe’s house phone cell to get some pizza’s delivered.

I was just about to dial the phone number. Someone was already ringing the door bell, disturbing my fantasies of having warm creamy cheesy pizza’s melted in my mouth. I opened up the door, to find Leon standing there, sweating like he had been running, or just a bad hurricane hit him with a heavy down pour of rain. I closed back the door, almost slamming it against his nose. Wishing it did hit him, but didn’t, cause no painful squeal was heard. I bang my head against the door repeatedly, already giving myself a bad headache. 
“What do you want Leon!” saying like a statement, rather than a question. 
“I need to talk to you Lea, please. Let me in” he said, knocking on the door. 
I hold on to the door knob, stopping him from turning it and budging in. “Go away” I slammed the door harder this time. 

“Please Lea....” “I just want to talk to you, just for a while”. 

“The door is not sound proof, so you can talk all you want. Without looking me in the eye”-“and believe me, now with you looking at me in the eyes. I so...DON’T trust your words anymore!” I shouted, my long finger nails already started scratching on the base of the wooden white door. 
A silence, I didn’t see any shadow from below the door. I figured, he gave up and was already heading back into May’s arms. Was sure that he’d come to his senses to think that I was never worth it. Not even to apologize. I sat down on the floor, still not opening to door. Just sat there, breathing.

A knock was heard a while later again. “Go away Leon!!” I shouted and opened the door. Finding Chloe standing there with big bags of groceries, quickly grabbed some in excitement, but wasn’t hungry as I did before. Her lips were sealed as she was biting on to a ticket. Not a good movie ticket, but more of a fined ticket. I guess she had been speeding on that particular day, or maybe she parked on the wrong spot that day. 
Just as she took the ticket out her mouth, she stared at me, long enough to just let me spill it out. “Leon came over just now” taking out the carton of eggs and putting them gently in the basket next to the sink. Chloe, pushing herself up on the counter, just sat there. “What does he want this time?” she grabbed an apple, and gave a sharp bite. Crunching apple bits  in her mouth, wiping her own saliva with her left arm. “ I didn’t gave him a chance to speak, I closed to door on him” I said, smiling. “You did?” couldn’t believe what she heard and gave me a high five “That’s cool” still biting on the apple that was left half now. “How did he knew I was here anyway?” Chloe sat there, kept quiet and just by hearing her swallow down the apple bits made me hungry. I went over to the stove, and started making me some pancakes. “Want some?” lighted up the stove, warming up the pan. 

“No thanks, I had some lunch. Mr Hampton was asking for you.” I looked at her, hearing his name only gives me the chills. “I’m fired am I?” shaking the pan side by side.

“Nah, I covered up for you. The sales were great today. Of you not being there today?” –“I’m sure he didn’t actually cared but big bucks in his pockets.” Like the news made me felt much better then. 
“Good” started mixing the flour and eggs together, and pouring them one by one in the hot pan. All together, were 10 rounded pancakes all laid out on a plate, neatly. 

“You do know that there’s only you and me right?” she looked down at the 10 pancakes, feeling a little nauseous. “I’m hungry” I chuckled and grab myself a place and sat at the dining table. Chloe just sat next to me, her plate still empty. “Help yourself” I said, already starting to cut the pancakes into small slices, and eat them with maple syrup. Yummy

“You never change.” I stopped “Still the same old Lea that comes by to my house, and making it look like her own place” Chloe said, while giving out a small smile. 
“That’s a good thing right?” feeling awkward and blushing to myself. 
“Of course it is. I never wanted anything to change” she said, putting one pancake on her plate and just eating it bare. “Neither did I” 

She put down her fork and gave me a look. A look like those doctors give to patients when they have a hard time telling them that they will die soon. Yeah, that very look. That odd looking look.. “What actually happen?” she started asking.

“I don’t want to talk about it” –“You saw what happen” I looked at her, then stopped eating, and swallowed my last bit of pancake, pushed the plate away from my sight. 

“Yes, I did. We both did. But I’m not the one who is hurt here Lea. You are.” Sounded worried, reaching her hand awkwardly and brushing her hands behind my back. “Gosh Chloe, I’m really fine” I pushed her hands with my shoulders, gave out a lazy laugh. “Funny isn’t it? Best Friends as back stabbers?” I said.
    “Talk to me Lea, I’m still your best friend right? Am I?” sounded unsure, causing me to brush her back this time. Felt guilty enough. I should just spill my guts out. 

“I’m not sure what happen. Jeremy knows it better than me. Apparently, May was in love with Leon for quite a while, and was waiting for Jeremy to dump her so that she could go to him” Chloe mouth was wide open, staring at me. She moved her chair a little closer, waiting for me to finish the story.

“What a jerk” she said.

“And now they’re together being Cinderella and the prince.” Sound annoyed. “While me and Jeremy.” I stopped. 

“Are together as well?” she said, already smiling at me. “Well, are you?” asked again.

“I got up from my seat, feeling uncomfortable enough to walk away from her. Opening the window and putting my head out for some fresh air. “I don’t know “- “We’re both in rebound, some of us just happens to want to stick around. For each other’s sake” 

    Chloe reaching out something far under her brown bag to retrieve a box of a rumpled pack of cigarettes and some matches in it-“ You need this more than I do then” she handed me the box. I just look at it, then back at her. “You smoke?” – “Since when?” still staring at the box of cigarettes. “About a week now, don’t have to be so huffy about it. I have my own problems as well” she shook out a cigarette and put it in her mouth, then took it out. 

“You should try it” she added with a flourish, popping the cigarette back into her mouth.

I shook my head “No, thanks” I sat next to her, keeping my eyes on the cigarette box, wanting to take one. But I didn’t have the courage to.
She reached over then lit a march and touched it to the end of the cigarette.  She handed the box of cigarettes again to me, close enough for me to grab one out. And she lit it up for me. Not knowing how to actually puff, looking at Chloe puffing her way then blew the smoke out the window, where it circled across the garden and into the sky. 

“It felt good huh?” she said, taking another long drag off her cigarette and fanning the smoke out the window. “My parents are getting a divorce” Chloe said, waving her hand in front of her face to fan off the smoke. “My dad was caught cheating. Guess, not everyone is happy with whoever they say I love you to” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I said. If even an ex pageant queen like Chloe’s mum could be cheated by her husband that was not that attractive to look at. Imagine what would be of the world. 

“Yeah well, I had some great punch to my dad’s face of course” Chloe showing her muscles, me picturing her letting out a punch. Must be quite a bruise on her dad’s nose.

“What about your mum? How is she?” a little concern, as her mum was like a second mum to me. My godmother.” She’s spending her money in Europe, while my dad had move to his mistress place two days ago. Don’t know where, but I don’t care” she puffed one last time and tossed the cigarette out the window. 
“How are you taking it?”

“Please, I’m fine. He wasn’t a good father anyway” it was not really like Chloe to be judging her dad like that, when I knew from the start, ever since I know her, she and her dad were like two peas in a pot. Everything they do, clicks. Knowing her, she always had her problem of showing her true anger and also her tears. Chloe and her dad would go to baseball games and go bowling together. But sometimes the closest person you thought you’d love, screw the best out of everything to make you hate them in return. 

“I guess, no one is loyal huh?” I tossed my cigarette out the window.

“Don’t compare my parents with yours Lea. They’re much better” she said. 

“How would you know? Some things, change. And I wasn’t actually talking about my parents Chlo”

Friday, March 25, 2011

Chapter 14

       Chloe was gasping for air, leaning against the window of the shop hard on her shoulders, kinda like tipping over on her weak legs she kept folding on to each other, like she was the only one having the weight of the whole world. She finally came to her senses and got a grip, breathing in and out repeatedly like those yoga sessions I see on television.  “Okay, you know what? Whatever it is -” she looked down at her watch, wriggling it around like it was loosen in the first place. “I don’t want to get involved with this sort of love drama between this square love of you guys” she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shop. “We promised Mr Hampton that things would move smoothly today”. 

 Me walking like a zombie, a faceless emotion as we bang into Leon and May as they were heading the other opposite way out. I stopped and Chloe was between me and them, standing in  a way like a shield, protecting me from harm. “You” she looked at Leon, gave a long stare. “Get out” she said defensively, acting like my mother, so fierce and stable. Standing tall with both her hands on her waist. “We need to get to work, I suggest both of you get a grip and get to work” she said, looking at me and back at May. Both in an awkward position. Could tell they were trying to say something to me, but only hot air came out from their breathe as I wasn’t eager to hear them explain, or try covering up the things that disgusted me, and above all. HURT ME.

    Jeremy stood behind me as he grabbed my hands, when he looked at May and Leon together again, at a very bad scene. Just looking at his facial expression, I knew he knew the reason I shed my first tear a while ago. My eyes drew over by itself when Tyler’s other hand was folded up in a round big fist, with full force like he was about to punch something, or someone across the face. “You too Jeremy, you should go” Chloe said, already starting to roll out the welcome carpet for the customers. 

I pulled Jeremy aside, and just look him in the eyes. “You should go” I said softly, still keeping my eyes glued at his big fist. “It’s not worth it” I said, and he slowly looked down on me, making me feel a little small. I couldn’t believe that he was actually quite tall. “It’s not?” he asked as he turned to look at Leon and May still standing there like two dead statues, guilty without a word. I pulled Jeremy to a corner, a little more further to lost sight of them both. “Why are they doing this?” he said. Eyes went red and he just smile, trying real hard to hold on to his tears. But he was holding on too long that his fist was already punching through the wall. I stood there helplessly, looking at him, feeling so out of control. Feeling so weak, that made me felt the same exact way. My hands went cold, my legs were jelly-like, couldn’t move and my mouth wouldn’t speak up to say “stop”. I just watched him go, flaunting his anger, letting out his man strength and punching against the wall again. The punch grew louder and louder, mostly like hearing his fist about to sprained and his bones were about to be broken. I quickly stood in front of him before he let out another punch. He stopped, sweating and breathing heavily. Not saying a word, feeling rather dwarf. He reached out to his keys in his pocket while rubbing his foot on the ground. “I’ll pick you up tonight” he said and in a just a few minutes, I lost sight of him. I felt the chilled in me, something was about to happen, an accident. Or just something that includes death. I shivered to myself but with hot air blowing down my skin. Thwacking my way back to the store, surprised to have customers already going crazy, with them digging through all the merchandise and pushing up against me in their mad dash to find a bargain. Trying had to make my way through the noisy chattering crowd, almost made me fell. 
       Out of the blue, a woman grabbed me by the hand and said, “ You call twenty bucks for a kid’s shoe a good deal?” She was wearing a bathing suit with shorts cover it, flip-flops and a big straw hat. I just looked at her. 

“Do you?” She picked up a shoe, one that was yellow and blue and pink, with what looked like Smurfts on it.

 “I’ll give you ten for this pair. If you have a five and a half”. 

   “I don’t know.....,”I said, trying to look for Chloe or May, who had disappeared in the crowd of picky costumers. “We don’t really bargain on shoes.”

    “You don’t huh?” she said in a nasty voice, like I’d been rude to her. “Well, that’s just fine. Just find me a  five and a half, would you?” Chloe suddenly appeared next to me. “Is there a problem here, Lea?”

    “Five and a half, please” the woman said loudly shaking the shoe in my face. “Find the woman a five and a half” Chloe said to me, prodding me in the back with one hand. “I’ll deal with the table for a while.” 
I went back in the storeroom and climbed up to the discount shelf, looking for the ugly Smurf shoe. There was a six and a four but no five and a half. I was struggling to get down when May just came in unexpectedly. 


“You need help?” she asked, knowing she’s finding a way to communicate with me, only makes things more worst. “ No thanks, I could handle it from here” I walked out of the storeroom, and went back out to the table. “Sorry, it’s not in,” I said.

“It’s not in,” she repeated flatly. “Are you sure?” 

“I am..indeed,” I said, realizing that I was being a smartass and not really actually caring. Chloe was looking at me, acting like a boss, I felt that whooshing in my ears, that powerful evenness. 

“Lea, perhaps you can interest the woman in another style,” Chloe said to me quickly. “I want this one,” the woman said, shaking the shoe in front of my face, yet again. Behind her, someone else was saying, “ Miss? Oh Miss? I need some help with this dress, please?” 

I came back with a sing song voice and a pleasing smile stretching across my face. “We don’t have that shoe in either ma’am”. “Well, then I should get another shoe at other places then”  “It’s only fair.”

“Well, that’s just fine,” the woman snapped. I watched as she tossed the shoe at me. She meant for it to hit the pile probably, but it bounced off a stray saddle shoe in the bin and nailed me in the head, a direct Smurf but. I was hot all of a sudden, the whooshing in my ears loud and calming, and I felt awake, my skin tingling. 
 She was walking away, fli-flops thwacking against the floor, as I grabbed the shoe and ducked around the table and put the shoe to its exact place. May caught me in a very stressful emotion as sweat was pouring down my side burns. Feeling hot suddenly, though the air con was on its lowest degree. “You should get some air” May said as she pulled me up with one hand, making way through the crowd and brought me outside. “I’m fine” I pushed her hands away, stubborn and looked over to the coffee hut. “Tell Chloe, I’m having a break there” I went over in a dash, leaving May behind. 

I looked through the glass, finding many costumers on that day, made me felt a little uneasy to settle in with a bunch of workaholics. I don’t want to be squeezed in between like a sandwich again. There I saw, a tall mini stool, good enough to fit my ass on. I went over and just sat there, with my arms stretching right in front of me and I lay my head hard on the counter behind the cashier. “Can I do anything for you Miss?” a boy asked, while he was wiping some washed cups. I swing my hands side to side, a signal saying “no, and leave me alone” but only some would understand that. Feeling so exhausted, I just felt like leaving and get some beauty rest at home. 

“Hot chocolate please?” I turned around and saw Leon, taking out his cash, about to pay the waiter. I kept blinking my eyes, without making a noise, hoping he never caught me. “ That would be $5.65 Sir,” I saw them exchanging a cup of hot chocolate with the change in his hands. He was about to walk away, when he stopped and turn around. I was already rolling my eyes, in my head was a “shit.” That was the only think I thought about. 

“Lea? He came, strapping his body against the counter, finding himself rather charming, which I find it positively not. I got up from my seat and headed out to the door. Leon, chasing me from behind, grabbed my arm and pulled me over to face him in the eye. “Let go” I said, looking at his eyes which I so wanted to poke out. It was a feeling of anger and sadness that I wished he would hug me right now instead of making me feel like punching him when I know Jeremy wanted to, before. He was just lucky to walk away with an un-bruised face. “Let me explain” he continued, putting down his hot chocolate on the top of a strangers car that was parked right in front of the coffee shop. “There’s nothing more to explain. What’s done is done.” I said, still trying to walk away. “ You weren’t part of the game Lea” he said, so confidently and proud that I would eventually happen to forgive him at that time, at that very moment. But he was wrong to even think so too. “ Oh, please. Don’t fool me like how you fool Jeremy, Leon. He’s your best friend. I mean, how could you even do this to him? To me?” I stood a little further when I realize the tone of my voice was changing. “You know what, I don’t want to talk about it. You guys have a happy life” I started crossing the road.
“ I did love you!” he shouted, made me walked even faster now. Reaching at the front door step of the shop. I turned back to see him, holding on to the hot chocolate and just looking at me. “ Guess it wasn’t enough” I said to myself, and walked back into the store. Finding a little less customers now. 

“Where have you been!” Chloe came with a in the palm of her hands, gripping so tightly. “I’m sorry” I couldn’t find the words to continue, but sat on a small purple stool next to the tall lamp. Chloe bend down in front of me and took out her house keys. She sighed to herself, “I want you to meet me there; you’re staying with me tonight. We need to talk” she said, putting her house keys in my hands, with small stuffed animal key chains dangling around. 

“You should go, get some rest. I’ll pack some dinner for you once I get home” she took my cell phone from me, already dialling a number. “Get Jeremy to pick you up. I’ll handle these craz customers with May.” She handed me back my cell phone, and it was already on ringing tone. I just smiled and put it next to my ear.  

“Lea?” he answered. “Yeah J, umm could you pick me up?” I said, brushing my hair through my fingers. 


“Yeah, now.” I said. “Okay, I’ll be right over” 

I put down the cell phone and watched as Chloe was attending to some customer with yellow dyed hair. Looked like a clown, except for those red crazy lips and crazy eye shadowed make-ups. 

“Lea?” May stood next to me, handling me a cup of tea. I took it from her hand and just smiled.”Thanks”
“I want to say I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I know I’ve screwed it up big time. I just...” 

“Just what May?” I looked at her, all those memories of us suddenly came back to me in a flash, reminding me how much I once trusted her so. But it was all over when I look into her eyes. Everything felt like a deadly lie. 

I shook my head repeated “You don’t have to feel sorry. I was stupid to trust you” I turned to her “ Any of you”
She hold on to her breath before she could say anything further. I got up and packed my things, grabbed my purse and went outside for some fresh air. She, still following me from behind like a lost puppy. “Let me be May, there’s nothing you can say or do that would change how much I’m feeling now” I looked over my shoulder, a tall slim scary looking girl, puffing on to a smoke. How I wished I was puffing on some smoke right now. Thought to myself in silence, looking down at my feet.  “I wanted to say something...”- “to you and Jeremy, I didn’t know things would go out of hand” she said. 

“Well, it did” a honk passed by, as Jeremy parked his car a little further. I knew May saw Jeremy’s car passing by, but she just keep it to herself, cause she knows, she deserve it. 

“You going home with Jeremy?” she asked, still following me from behind. 

“Yeah” folding my jacket across my shoulders. Her footsteps stopped, when Jeremy got down of the car and opened the door for me. He never gave a slight glace at her, at all. I felt rather bad and just waved goodbye while I stepped into the car and we’re off. 

    The clouds were fine, very sunny and warm. The windows were open, and the wind was blowing through my hair. The radio suddenly went silent as Jeremy switched it off, and buckled his seat belt. Made me nervous when I know he was about to ask me something. 

“So, what happened?” he said.

“Nothing,” I said, holding my hand out and letting the warm air push through it as we went down the street, back to downtown.

“Come on, Lea” We were at a stoplight now, and he turned to look at me. His eyes were back to normal brown “ Did May said anything to you?” 

I kept my eyes on the light, waiting for the green. “That was no big thing,...” 

“It was nothing” I said, trying to conjure up my bold self, to hear the whooshing again that made me rise above it all, immune. “ I didn’t care enough to listen anyway”. He still looks at me. “Lea. Don’t bullshit me now. I know when something’s wrong.” And still we sat, at what had to be the longest light in the world, with him staring at me until I finally said “ I saw them kissed” “ in the store room.. Right in front of me” I stared at my reflection in the side mirror. My face looked pale and hot. Jeremy kept quiet and I knew there was nothing else he would say, because it was hurting us both at the same time. The light changed and we drove off again, him switching gears. 

“Send me over to Chloe’s. I’m staying there for tonight” he looked at me, his look was telling me that he didn’t actually trust my words. Knowing what I could do. “I’m sending you home” he said, not wanting to argue. Like it was final decision. I jiggled Chloe’s house key in the palm of my hands, showing them to him. “I’m not running away, really. I’ll just be at Chloe’s. Trust me” 

Soon enough, we were already at Chloe’s. He pulled over to the side of the road, right next to the big green garbage bin. The house looked empty, and a little spooky. “Will you be okay in there?” he leaned over to me, un buckle my seat belt. I nodded my head, holding on to his hands. “Thanks, for being there for me when I needed the most in my least.” He smiled “ You were there for me remember?” 

“Besides, you’re my girl now” 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Chapter 13

    Have anyone ever asked you a question you’ve been eager to answer, but when finally the question pops up you just go on dangling, finding excuses to get away from being mocked or slack of information not to be known by the people you should have not said to in the first place? A pencil was on the palm of my hands, spinning it round and round like a tornado using my finger tips skills which only some people knows how to. Apart from a girl in my class that taught me about this boring old thing, the only thing that got me spinning during my exams when I’m usually the first one to finish my paper. And teacher would go around my table, looking for misuse statement to catch me cheating. Which I never did. Wanted to- but never did.

     The newspaper’s were just flipping by itself in front of me, screaming in silence asking me to read them. But I ignored almost every movement that was happening during that very morning. Dad was already at work, and Mum was looking through the cook books about baking cookies. She was never really a baker for starters, but she isn’t those who gave up things easy, especially when it has to do with her loving husband and her adorable baby name Jeff. I scrape my knees and just started scrapping everywhere, leaving some red patches on my body. Sweat was already flooding around my neck. 

    “Lea, aren’t you suppose to be at work today?” she put down the bowl and washed her hands near the sink. “Well? It’s already 10.30, you should be off now. Don’t tell me you created havoc at the store now did you?”she said, pulling a chair and sat beside me uninvited. I lifted my head up and rounded my whole hair in a bun and let them go, and did it over and over again. Looking at the wall clock in the middle of the kitchen, ticking awfully slow like a tortoise loose his way back home. Or a snail that was too lazy to even look for his home. “Lea” mum banged the dining table, making both my legs stomped hard on the ground in surprise. “Yeah, alright..I’m going” got up from my seat and went upstairs. I got dress and put on a purple collar long sleeve shirt that my aunt got for me when I turned 16, never worn and eventually wasn’t torn. Put on my black jeans with some accessories on my wrist and neck. Looked into the mirror, I totally looked like a wrecked up rocker that was abandoned by a fatal manager, trying to sneak back stage and gave a full performance to gain her popularity again.

 I had good fashion sense, but I wasn’t about to change anything that was already planned out for me literally. Went down to the porch, reaching out for my car keys from my tight jeans, feeling a little fat at that moment, a sigh to myself while I breathed my stomach in, trying to make me look slimmer. But meant no difference to myself. Walking along the garden, looking for my car but stopped as I realize my car was nowhere to be found. “ Oh Shit!” remembered that I left my car in Woody’s Place last night, and slammed against my mind about Jeremy’s promise about picking me up to get my car back. I turned around, in an intention to drive my mum’s car instead. But talked too soon, as a honk was heard repeatedly in a beat and melody that kept my ears burned. I turned around to find Jeremy getting out of the car and walking towards me, taking my bag from me and putting around his shoulder. Looked like a sissy, with that handbag picturing in him. “Let’s go” he said, grabbing my hands and we both got into the car. 

“Have you eaten anything yet?” he asked, strapping on to his seat belt before starting the engine. Me just smiling and playing my car keys strapping my own seat belt, feeling a little awkward around his presence. “I’m okay, we should just go. To pick up my car” I said as he gave a full speed and we drove off. “No breakfast?” he asked again, in a disappointed tone. But I wasn’t in a mood for any food, though my stomach was grumbling, but still kept them in to make me look slimmer. “Maybe lunch” I said, trying to change the topic and still in a way rejecting his view of asking me out. “I’ll pick you up after work, just give me a ring during lunch time alright?” I looked at him and he just smiled. I smirked but in my mind wasn’t as quite flattering as what he was doing at that time to me make me felt insecure and somewhat calling him a control freak. “ I don’t like my schedules to be planned Jeremy” I snapped, only this time my voice was a little further than his ears could hear clearly as I bend down to grab my purse that was about to tip over my toes. “Just send me to Woody’s Place, I’ll get my car, and you won’t have to drive me around after this” explained. 

We came across a junction that split the road into two, and going left was to Woody’s Place, but then just as I was about to look left. He gave a big turn on his steering wheel, making my head hit the window in a sudden reaction. “Where do you think you’re going? Woody’s Place is that way?” I pulled his shirt, making him slanted to my side and he struggled as he hold on to the steering wheel. He was driving recklessly, and I was only making him loose focused, but I was in a total tantrum. Some drivers were already honking their way, passing us by. Some even showed a good signage of middle fingers out their window. I kept my mouth shut with both my hands up tight against my chest. I didn’t wanted to blow my head off, but it was as hot as a boiling volcanoes about to demolish a few hill slopes. And Jeremy, was the sloppy hill slopes. 

   The streets were busy, and everyone was either hanging on to their big brown groceries bags or just pushing their trolleys and baby strollers. The car suddenly stopped and just as I know it, I was already at my working place. Mr Hampton’s boutique shop, just waiting for me to enter. It looked spooky from the outside, some of the lightings wasn’t lit on. Wonder who was already actually there, wonder if Chloe showed up to even actually care. “Will you be alright?” Jeremy asked and slightly putting his hands on mine. “I’ll be fine.” I said, opening to door and getting down. Just as my feet meet with the ground. Chloe came out with big boxes in her hands, and she stood there as she saw me, getting down from Jeremy’s car. I kept my head steady high, and waved Jeremy goodbye while I make small little footsteps towards Chloe, thinking of a precise way to start a day without pulling each other’s hair or getting on each other’s nerves. “You’re late” she said, lifting the box a little higher now, looking at the edge of her side, trying to see her legs almost made herself toppled as I quickly grab the boxes from her. “I got it” and put the empty boxes into the recycle bins. I rubbed my hands together. “ Come on, there are plenty more inside that needs unpacking” she went in, and never noticed that she had a hair cut, a little shorter now, much shorter till I could actually see her bone structure of her face very clearly. Cooling myself down, strapping myself from my jacket and looked around for May. 

     “Have you seen May?” I asked straightforward. “She’s at the back, sorting up some shoes that just came in earlier today” she said, calmly but could tell she was too lazy to even lift her chin up to look at me. I looked around the place, and some things have changed. Like the tables were in a pattern triangle form, and some new wallpapers were stick on, with glorious abstract art. The whole place looked like a beautiful mani padi after a make-over. A make-over which I didn’t had any part of it. “You did this?” I asked, smoothing my hands against the folded blouse that was laid out on the racks neatly stacked. Smoothing my hands to the beautiful cheetah pattern curtains which I find rather catchy to look at. Amazed, and mesmerize with the atmosphere around me. “ Me and May did, when you’re not around” she turned and went behind the counter, almost hitting me on the shoulders unexpectedly but must say on purpose, trying to give me a dent on what happened and how she isn’t forgiving me still on that time.

 I said nothing but looked at the clock that hasn’t been hung up yet, still stacked in the box, trying to make way through the materials of cut cloth. It was barely lunch time, and my idea was to head on to the coffee hut and grab something rather than being locked up here with people I realize that didn’t want me to be around anymore. Felt rather hurt at first, but things just got better. In my words, things just went for the “worst” kind ever. 

    “We’ll be opening the store soon though, Mr Hampton gave his orders” she pointed to this piece of white long size paper like it was meant for us to do chores, but only its written in big black bold of markers saying that the boutique shall open at 11.30am and no excuses was to be made. The funny part that made me chuckled to myself was that he wrote in a tiny red ball point pen, and stated there “p/s: no fighting girls” and “Love, Mr Hampton at the end” it was kinda an adorable good luck speech to be flaunted as we’re doing. I packed the boxes and stashed it to one side before throwing them into the recycle bin all together in a row. Chloe opened the door for some fresh air, and cold wind just start breezing through the store, making the wind chimes that was hanging on fine thick thread jiggling noises reminded me of my cousin colliding his sets of fork and spoon during dinner. Making irritating noises that just runs some itchy feeling down chattering teeth. 

 “Where’s May?” I asked again, scratching my nose by habit. 

“She’s behind, near the storage area. Could you like, get her? I need a hand on these” sounded so sarcastic like I wasn't invisible enough till she needed May’s help instead of mine. Feeling rather invisible, I just made parch to the store. The door was slightly opened, and I could see May from far, smiling and giggling in a ticklish way. I was about to open the door, when my eyes just caught fire as I saw Leon right there, kissing and embracing May in his arms. Just hugging her tight, made her let go of the things she was holding in her arms before. Feeling rather uptight and sweating all around my arm pits as I was watching a romantic horror movie at the same time. Trying to make a conclusion about a bad romance going between the both of them. I hold my breath for the longest 25 second of my life, looking around as if someone will  catch me in deadly action.Observing and watching my own ex boyfriend making out with my best friend right at the storage of the place we happen to work together with.

 My eyes drew across his body language as he stroke her hair back, and when I only wish time would stop just then, that they were only just two statues not doing anything and never meant anything like those statues in the park, I never felt that hurt nor felt that stupid being in that very position that you just want to poke a needle in your eye and still wants to watch them continue on what they’re not supposed to be doing right in front of you. But you see readers, I was never that lucky to call it a “take one” it was already on action mode, and I’m just the customer, and unlikely sitter having the movie of her life right before her eyes. I took a step back, but my foot only asked me to watch more closely this time. I hold on to the door knob, and only one eye was peeking through the door. 

 Leon lifted and held on to May’s cheek and gave her a smooch on her lips. The scene of it, made me closed my mouth with my bare hands, pressing it hard on my face, like my lips was about to fall, but to realize my tears were already falling on my cheeks. I let go of the door knob, and a hard stomp was coming towards me. “ Lea, seriously. I asked you to get May remember?” – She grabbed the door knob and twist it. “Chloe don’t” I said, before I could stop. The door was already wide open, and I only kept my eyes on Chloe as her mouth was as wide as a whole fist could shove right in. “May, Leon?” she said. 

I only remembered Leon calling out my name, and me just running towards to door not wanting to stay any longer. I wasn’t sure where I was heading, but lucky for me the door was wide open so I didn’t had a hard time trying to open it as my tears were totally covering my sight. 

 Just as I was walking, a pair of hands stopped me with the intense feeling on my shoulders, happening to grab me tight, and then I knew I was already lying on the person’s chest. Hugging and sobbing, feeling rather vulnerable, and needed someone to be around with making me feel safe for just a couple of seconds.
 I was already outside, and somewhat a voice was calling out to me. “Lea, what’s wrong?-What happened?” my head was going overboard and I could feel my legs getting weakened. Blackness. 

I heard the voice, and it was replaying over and over again in my head. That was the only thing I heard, and I just saw total blackness.

       I was just about to fall into a dead sleep feeling a little nauseous at that time. And suddenly out of nowhere Chloe voice was heard “ Jeremy what is going on?” I quickly lifted my chin, finding Jeremy holding on to me. For some odd reason, I felt comfortable and just lay there in his arms. Ignoring that Chloe was there, making her feel invisible just a tad bit. “What?- What’s going on?” Jeremy said, grabbing my shoulders even tighter.

“Leon and May and and” I could tell she was looking at me, then back at Jeremy. “Now you’re with Lea. Seriously?” she stopped “Seriously?” she said again, wasn’t sure of her own tone of voice. 

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Chapter 12

   The moment lasted for the longest 3 minutes ever, as his lips touched as smoothed on mine, all I can remember was listening to the thunder and lighting that was striking right above us. But it didn't matter, nothing matter. A dramatic reaction like those movies you see, kissing the rain scene. I just happen to have that trigger in me at that time. Having that soft toes crunched up into my sandals, all those great adrenaline rush just rushing through my veins, heart skipped a beat. And I wasn't even breathing to not want to screw myself breathing heavily down his nose.The clouds above us was getting thicker, and the wind blew stronger. Jeremy lifted my cheek and pulled me closer in his arms, and the pressure on my lips felt lighter as he grab hold of me and smile. I smirked back trying to figure what actually happen, or what the kiss actually meant. We had a moment, and the only moment I realize, I hated him for making me melt yet again falling in love all over again. " Let's go home" he took off his jacket, and put it over me while holding my hand and we ran towards the car as more rain started to drizzle. The weather only got heavier, and we were really drained and wet.

   He changed the gear, and we drove off right then. My eyes were glued to his body language, his little moves of having him wine down the window while he adjust the car side mirror.When his hands pulled down the seatbelt as he buckled it, and the way he put his hands on the steering wheel. Driving so steady, like one of those good F1 drivers I see on television. Without the helmet and the suit, he reminded me of those cool guys. He reminded me of a lot of stuff I eventually tend to forget sooner or later.I didn't realize I was actually looking at him without a twitching. My eyes were really glued. The thunder strike once again made me jump from my seat a little, holding on to his arm as he was changing gear. " You okay? I'll get you home soon" he said, patting my head with his other hand, the other still struggling on the wheel. I chuckled and got back to my seat, positioning myself, buckling myself safely and look out of the window, as the air con and the cold air made the window all misty. I started writing letters on the window. I wrote my name in big letters with a heart shape below. Jeremy moved over to me and whispered to my ear." Lea loves J" and he quickly head on back to his wheel. Leaving me blushing right there, wiping everything off. Feeling embarrassed that I just wanted to jump off my seat and walk home alone. Trying to think straight, many fuck up things were happening. One second your best friend was in love with your boy. And now you found out your best friend's boy was in love you? Was it a minor thing, about to be a big thing? Was it before or after. I never wanted to find out, I just kept quiet, and blew some hot air in the palm of my hands and I rubbed it all over my arms. Feeling so cold. No cars were on the highway, only a couple that I could find that passed by just very sudden. It was as me and Jeremy were the only ones that picked a wrong time to actually take a drive. " We'll pick your car from Woody's Place tomorrow. I'll pick you up okay?" he said, staring at me as he switched on the radio.

 I looked as he click on the red button, and music was starting to play, reminded me of Leon when I screwed his radio up, suddenly tears just fell down my cheeks without me realizing them hitting on Jeremy's hands as he wanted to push my hair behind my ears. I looked away and wipe them off, not wanting to be questioned by him. He knew I was crying, but he just kept driving. Lowering the music, and the more softer it got. The more I felt like crying as pictures of Leon kept haunting in my mind. The drive was as long as I could remember. It felt like a whole month in a torture chamber wanting to get off but couldn't find a way to get out.

   "You okay?" Jeremy stopped the car right in front of my house. The garbage can was half spilled and some of the tree trunk were even on my house porch. The wind was blowing heavily, and I could hear those soothing siren noise that some wind used to make, gave me the chills. I took off his jacket and handed back to him, but he never reached out for it. Just sat there, staring at me while he took off a handkerchief and wipe off my tears that was actually already dried out. I could feel the cloth touching on to my puffy red eye bags smoothly across my face. He put the handkerchief in the palm of my hands. " You need this more than I do. Keep the jacket too" he reached out for an umbrella behind the seat. Getting down the car with an umbrella, to my side of the car and opened the door for me. I got down, still shivering in cold, clinging on to him as we headed up to the porch. He stood next to me, waiting for me to get in home safely. His presence made me nervous to even open the door. Feeling his body heat just against me, most likely to even hug me. The door finally opened as I trigged the key a little tad bit. I opened the door, and Jeremy grab hold of my waist, turning me around facing him. He looked into my eyes, and I looked back at his. So dreamy and cloudy like the weather right above us. Full of mysteries, trying to figure him out intensionally. He pressed his lips on my forehead and I closed my eyes tight. " Good night " he said, walking down to his car with his umbrella and drove off.

    I couldn't explain what was happening, but to take a hot bath and get into bed. I walked into the kitchen to make me some hot chocolate. Jeff's baby bottle was left open in the sink, with half of his milk spilled. The cap of the milk bottle was left open. Everything in the kitchen was in a haywire condition, like some odd criminal ransacked it somehow. I pour myself some hot chocolate, and drank in the dark not switching on the kitchen light. Sitting on the highest stool next to the fridge, while I dry my hair with one of mum's kitchen cloth. Drying from the top of my head till the edge of my layered thin hair. I heard someone stomping down the stairs, heading towards the kitchen. " Lea?" Mum with her bath robe, and both her hands on her waist making her silk robe fold back by itself on her tummy as it scrunched up tight. But with her body figure, it was okay as fit and perfect. " Do you have any idea what time is it young lady?" she said standing in front of me, opening the fridge looking for something.

Pushing everything away, making irritating noises through my ears. " The milk is on the counter, near the sink" I said. She closed back the fridge door before pouring herself a glass of milk. She grab my wrist, and looked at my watch that was already half dead because it wasn't water prof for starters. " I know I'm late. Things got bumpy." I pulled back my wrist and stuff it behind Jeremy's jacket. "Whose jacket is this?" she took it up and started flinging it around. " Kinda big for you isn't it? Is it Leon's?" just I heard his name, I got down from the chair and put my cup in the dishwasher and sat my ass on the couch. " Its Jeremy's. " I said, hugging the cushions tight. Mum just sat next to me as I lifted my legs and lay them on her thighs. " Leon is in love with May." I said, about to cry again. " He never loved me mum..he...he.." I said, and Mum just gave me big hug. " It was a lie" I continue, punching the cushion this time. " Everything was a lie."

" I'm sure there must be a misunderstanding baby" for a second I thought someone would actually live the hurt I'm feeling then, but no one was there to listen. Not even my own parent. I kept quiet and just wipe my tears. Excused myself and ran back upstairs into my room. Slamming the door behind me, feeling rather angry and depressed at the same exact time. I took down the Jacket, and strapped myself naked. Had a hot shower for more than an hour, just feeling rather relax and alone, still insecure about what happen before. I tilt my head and it hit one of the shampoo's tumbling down on the tiles.

     My cell vibrated through my jeans, making buzzing sounds. I got up still feeling naked and shove my hand in my dirty wet jeans and reached for my wet cell phone. An unknown caller was on the line. I didn't want to answer, but I still click the green button, and never gave a " Hello" but to listen and shut my mouth up while I dip my feet into the bath tub again. Waiting for the other person of homophobia on the next line that was as quiet as me myself. " hello?" I said, impatiently." Lea?" I stopped and lifted the cell phone away from me. " Yes? Who is this?"sounded aggregated. I covered myself with a towel and head to my edge of the bed, where I just shook my hair like an animal to get them dry easier. " It's me Tyler"

"Ty?" - " Whatssup?" I said, tossing my hair all over the place, and just spinning round and round like a dancing mini ballerina on center stage. Where the lime light is only on you, and everyone just pause as you strike an awesome pose. Looking at myself in the mirror, and pucker my lips, while I touched them with my fingers, trying to feel the same exact moist kiss that Jeremy had landed on my lips. I was too in love with the reflection of myself, forgotten that Tyler was still on the line. " Lea! " he shouted, made me flip the cell phone, as it fell on my feet. Hitting my big toe, as I jumped up and down in pain. I crawled over and grab the cell. " Yeah, sorry" I said still grabbing hold on to my towel that was half slipping down my shoulder.

   "  I heard " he said. The phrase where Chloe caught me in bad action, the one I could relate of having no conversations with. I wasn't eager to hear the rest. But Tyler wasn't like her, so I just decided to listen through it all, even when I dislike having them bursting through my ears. "About?" I said, looking through my dressing table, picking on what to wear for my pajamas." About Leon and May, and Leon " he stopped.
" I dumped him" I said, point blank, flat out, not thinking about a single thing more to cover my stupidity and humiliation that is already happening." I'm sorry about that " he said. " I really didn't know" he continued with a  heavy down pour down his breath. " Its not your fault Ty, I'm just glad, it happened before anything was about to get serious. Which I know, wouldn't " I sounded so strict that it scared the hell out of me, in a minute there I wasn't thinking about Leon but Jeremy. " I'm fine now." I said again.

   " I don't wanna talk about it actually" I said, shoving one of my hands through my giant shirt pajamas, and putting my head through the hole. " I just wanted to know if you need anything. Just give me ring" I hold on to the phone and thought for a second. " You're using an unknown number. You do realize that right?" I said and  chuckled. " Oh yeah, let me call you then. I'm kinda outside. So my credit is kinda low" he said.

"Aww, sweet of you Tyler, thanks again." I said, finally wearing my whole pajamas. Still drying my hair with the towel, and tossing it away. " Anything else?".-

"Nothing I guess, hey I better go. You take care alright Lea?" he said, and ended the call. I put my cell phone into my closet under my dirty laundries, the place where I know, even vibrations could be heard. I lay on my bed. And looked to the picture of the three of us together beside my night stand. I hold the picture frame up, we looked so stunningly happy, like no bond could break us sister hood apart. Anger was in me, Hurt was all around me. Chloe and May isn't beside me, and the person who I'm in love with, is now in love with someone else. And the person who I once hated, now is the only one who was there for me. And to save me from all these misery, I'm still looking for a way out of here. Only people who I know would be there, aren't there anymore. I took up the frame and threw it out the window, I heard a loud breaking of shattered glass. And I just stood behind the curtain, taking one last look at our photos together, before I close the window and went back to bed, leaving our memories away for now.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Chapter 11

     " I heard " Chloe stood there against the door with Tyler just standing next to her smiling at me not saying a word. I smiled back and ignored their presence while I took down my jacket that was partially drowned with May's tears. I put it round my neck and look down my own footsteps moving forward to touching on Chloe's toes. I didn't even look her in the eye, Tyler pulled her to make way for me to get into the house. I went in to find the television still on, and a bowl of popcorn that has not been dig in staring back at me. Mum came out from behind the kitchen counter with Jeff in her arms." You're back home early hon?" she asked bouncing Jeff up and down in her arms, could tell my baby brother was enjoying it. I looked over my shoulder to find Chloe and Tyler already hanging up their jackets in the closet near the stairs. " Yeah, I hope you don't mind me bringing some friends over mum." I said in a lazy tone, not wanting to make it so persuading for them to enter my house without invitation.I made an irritating face to mum and she got the signal. " Come on Jeff, let's watch movie in Mummy's room alright? You kids have fun, I'll be upstairs if you guys need anything" up she goes holding on to the bowl of popcorn with the other holding on to Jeff. 

I walked over to the kitchen table, pulling me out a chair and just sat my heavy ass down while I pour myself a warm milk. I could tell I was in a middle of a hot soup, though I know this thing has nothing to do with me, but its hard to explain to some people like Chloe. They both grabbed a chair and sat next to me. Chloe was just beside me and Tyler was sitting across the table, he was a smart boy to not get involved in some girl talk that was about to get bumpy. I was picturing in my mind that me and Chloe pouncing on each other while we grab each other's hair till we both go bald.  That would be a picture I would love to paint. I stare at Tyler, I could tell he was obviously restless, and that Chloe must have forced him to accompany her over here. But no questions were to asked for now, as I'm the one who was about to get questioned like in locked up prison for all I care. And Chloe would be the one walking around the table in circles, with loaded questions in the palm of her hands. " Well, what happened??" she asked as she took the glass away from my hand, putting it in the middle of the table where my short hands couldn't find the need to actually reach it. "They broke up" I said, nodding my head down, brushing my legs with the other. My back was already sweating, the heat was flowing and I could taste the hot air by just closing my eyes. " Weren't you listening? I already said. I heard" she said. " I heard they broke up, but I want to know why" she continued. I smiled and looked away, wondering what she really wants me to say. Wondering what she really wants me to confess under the light.

   " Ask May if you want to know anything" I got up from my seat and headed to the door while I opened and slammed it behind me still keeping my lips sealed. Tyler came out slowly, and he tip toed to my way quietly, not wanting to burst the flames that I'm about to light. " I'm sorry about Chloe" he said in a soft tone voice. Feeling rather guilty of accompanying Chloe over to my place." Its fine Ty, its not your fault. I deserved to be blamed actually. But no one really knows what happened." I said, sweeping my hair across my face. Chloe came shortly after, slamming the door behind her and just stood right in front of me. Our position almost made us kiss, I could already sense her breath breathing down my cheeks. She bit her lips while she said "You hurt May" Tyler quickly pulled her away, and got down from the porch thwacking down the garden pathway to his car. She was waving her hands all over pushing her way as if she was the one being irritated. I never see Chloe this defensive before, and it made me realize I lost a best friend at that moment. She wasn't even my friend anymore. We were cold blooded enemies, and I'm the one who was about to fall in the hot pit. I watched Tyler as he drive away, and I just sat down the stairs and burst out in tears. Something to be stressed about, but I wasn't really sure what was the main occasion to be crying about. Everything was too horrified for me to even start a sentence. I was blurred at the moment, having a best friend calling me a backstabber without even saying the true words. Having people judge you for what you are not when they're the one that knows you best. Things change once you screw up. And it this situation, I did screw it up. 

    I head up to my bedroom, and I grabbed my pillow and pressed it against my chest, wiping off the tears trying to be strong and steady. My laptop screen was already flickering, I went to it to find 4 messages from Jeremy through IM. I switched off my laptop and just went back to bed, trying to get some rest. And my phone went ringing. Again, from all the person I wish to call me, Jeremy was on the line. I threw my cell across the bed, hitting one of my make up box falling down my carpet floor. " WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!!" I screamed from across my room. My voice was echoed alright. I was so irritated. Jeremy only wants to make things worst for me and my girls, why should I bother even looking through all the things he wish to say to me? He is nothing to me, and he will never be anything to me. I whispered to myself, but currently I was half dead to even realize what was I even talking about. I had no one to talk to. Two of my best friends are just so fucked up. One just broke up and the other has no trust left in me at all. It even made me wonder if she was the actual Chloe that I knew back in pre-k. Many things were doubting my own mind. And it wasn't the easiest thing for me to do, judging on how close was I with them. 

     It was nearly 8.30pm that night, I took my jacket and headed down town to the furthest cafe I could find across the road. Excused myself from dinner with my family, need a little one and one time for myself. Only a couple of cars were parked horizontally apart from counting my own as I reached the place call " Woody's Parlor:". It was like a dead desert station in the middle of nowhere. It was frightening from me to even go there, but weird things get your mind off easy when you're in a mess. Everything works out perfectly. I walked into the cafe, finding no one staring at me, just a silent crowd. A couple of people mingling and minding their own business. Its kinda sad to see awfully dreaded curtains that are moth eaten, which hasn't been changed the last time I got here when I was around 5 years old. How things have change as modern places take place. I ordered myself a cup of hot chocolate. The waitresses and cooks were more like granny and grand pa's to me. Still working on night shifts while trying to keep this place running. I sat at the last table of the cafe, behind the counter where no one could bother me. I took out my cell phone and there were 13 missed calls from Jeremy and 6 text from him. If it was an urgent matter he would probably be sitting next to me right now. Just as I was about to put my cell down, he called again. My ring tone was blasting across the hall, and I was sure of that everyone was already putting on their ear plugs just right then, I had no choice but to answer the call. " Yeah " I said, standing up and headed out the door, while I gave a signal to the waitress that was about to serve my hot chocolate. " I'll be right back" and she nodded and gave a smile at me. "What is it J?" I said, walked down to the parking lot. I was already having goose bumps for not having any cars drive by at that time. The moon was shinning brightly above me, gave me one of those scenes in Jeepers Creepers. What a horror movie.

"Where are you?We need to talk" he said. " I'm busy at the moment, make that every moment." I thought for a second "Go away J, nobody likes you. You hurt May!" I continued. He kept quiet for a moment and so did I. " What do you want?" I asked again and leaned against my car." I broke up with her for a reason Lea.." he said, breathing heavily on the line. " I'm not going through this again okay Jeremy? What's done is done. You're a jerk and you can't change that" I off my cell and went head up to the cafe. As I opened the door, someone jolted me. I looked up to find Jeremy holding on to his cell, and closing it as he smiled at me. " What are you doing here?" we both asked each other at the same exact time. "Go away" I pushed him away while I head back to my table. My hot chocolate was already warm about to get cold. I cuddled myself and pulled my legs up against my chest. Jeremy came and grab a seat and sat across me. I sipped my drink and his legs couldn't stop but making odd noises that blew my mind off moving the table. "Seriously, what are you doing here?" I put down the cup caressively, making some of it spill on my shirt. Jeremy quickly grab hold of the cup and moved it away from me. " Careful alright, you don't want to burn your body this time" he said. I looked away and breathe heavily, feeling so irritated, I just kept quiet. "What do you want?" I said and closed my face with both my palms, feeling so exhausted. " I wanted to clear things out between you and me, and everyone else." he said. I didn't want him to explain, I didn't want him to say anything. I just wished real hard that he would back off and leave me alone at that time. I looked up to him. "Why me? Between me and Chloe? Why me!?" I said. I couldn't handle the pressure and he knew what I was feeling at that time that made him even more quiet. "You know what? I don't want to hear any of this shit alright? You need someone to talk to? Find someone else" I got up and took my jacket. Before I was about to go. Something distracted me that made me sat my ass back down. 

"Does she know?" the voice sounded so familiar whom sounded like May. I sat back down and Jeremy was already giving me a sign telling me to ease drop more. " She doesn't, not about us" it sounded like Leon, but I wasn't quiet sure but to keep my eyes on Jeremy. He didn't even look eager to listen, he took a sip of my hot chocolate and gave a smile back at me." I'm just glad he finally broke up with you" Leon said. My mouth was already half opened, and I didn't even look at Jeremy's expression but he moved his fingers towards my hands, and grabbed it tight. "I love you May" Leon said. And just before I could even felt my heart stop beating, Jeremy pulled me over to his side and grab hold of me in his arms, kept asking me to hush. And I still kept quiet, I wasn't even tearing up. Not just yet. I pushed him away, and went over to the other side. Jeremy wanted to pull me back but it was too late. I stood there, looking at Leon holding on to May in his arms, and just right there my hands and legs were numb, and tears were already coming down fast. Looking at how a best friend could betray a friend. I shouted from the top of my lungs " LEON!" he looked over at his shoulder and let go of May's hands that instant when he saw me just keeping my dead eyes on them, not even twitching. May and Leon stood up and the whole place was as quiet as a dead town. May held on to Leon's hands. "Lea, its not what you think it is" she said. "Is it?" I said. " I heard what you both were talking about May." " How could you..and you?" I continued, pointing my finger at them keeping my eyes still on Leon. I felt so betrayed that I wanted to just slap them both across the face. " All the crying, all the crying about Jeremy? All of that...was a set up?" I said, facing May in straight in the eye. Jeremy came from the back counter and grab hold of my hand while we walked towards them. " May kept her eyes on Jeremy hands as he held my hands tight. And Leon was just standing there feeling sorry for me. I didn't need any charity case at that time, I just wanted to move." You're a real jerk !!" I shouted at Leon. Jeremy looked over at May and said " I knew this all along. That's why I let you go in the first place" he pulled me away and we walked out the door. I bend down on my knees and sobbed softly. Jeremy lifted me up and hold me in his arms tight again. Leon came running down the stairs trying to pull me back. " Let her go Leon. " Jeremy still grabbed hold of my right hand. "Let me explain" Leon said to me, but I kept my head on Jeremy's shoulder, not wanting to give a minor second look. I felt humiliated, felt so pathetic. Felt so stupid.

 Leon gave a little pull of my hands and I waved it off strongly. But he tried to grab hold of me again. " I said, leave." Jeremy said to him,defensively. " You both deserve each other. So be gone" he said. May came running down the stairs and wanted to touch me but I pushed her away. " We're done." I said. Leon was too stubborn to let me go, he reached out for me again. "Dude seriously" Jeremy punched him in the nose and he fell down on to the ground. " Just leave!" May holding on the Leon while he wipe the blood of his nose. I looked at them, and I just walked away with Jeremy and drove off. 

     In the car, there was complete silence. I was sniffing and wiping my tears with a handkerchief. Jeremy was speeding recklessly I thought we both were about to die. I look at him, and from there I knew what pain he was going through knowing his best friend fell in love with his own girl. He turned to look at me. " Stop crying, its not worth it" and he grabbed hold of his steering wheel. "I'm sorry" of all the right words to be saying, I choose to apologize to him at that moment. Jeremy stared at me " Its not your fault. Things happen Lea, I couldn't change it. You couldn't either".

"Even if you wanted to?" I continued.

" I can't believe this is actually happening" I kept flashing back on the times when Leon was mine to be, when Leon and me were more than friends, and now all that's left of us was a blind mystery that never did existed in my world. " He never loved me" I said and continue sobbing.
 "For god sakes Lea, he doesn't deserve a girl like you." 

" No one deserves me? I deserve no one then" I snapped, tired of everything around me, tired of listening to a single word of love. Tired of believing what supposed to be true. I didn't want to know the truth anymore. I didn't want to know anything but to walk out the door. " Love does not exist in my world. No one loves me" 

" Don't say that," he said " Not everyone is perfect Lea. You must know" yeah, like I never heard that one before. For once I could just use some speech to actually make sense. 

" May is" I said, because this sounded final. I wanted him to agree with me that guys like May and Chloe better than me. I'm like a trash cupid in a waste. He only sat there and shook his head, his fingers on his lap as if the very words I'd said disappointed him truly. 

"Even Leon was in love with her" I said quietly, seeing him again looking back at me. 
" Lea, I can't deal with this" he said, hitting his hands on the steering wheel, suddenly angry. " I don't know what to say to you"
" You saw what happen. And what happen back there has nothing to do with you!" his tone grew louder. 

"You don't have to say anything then" I said, surprised to hear him raise his voice, lose patience with me. This wasn't how I thought he would react so sudden seriously.

" Stop the car" I said, and he went with the words not wanting to argue with me. I took my bags and got out of the car. "I've got to take you home" he said. The storm clouds were grouped high above us, black and foreboding with a blue sky peeking out behind. It was still sticky and hot, but the breeze was changing, now cooler and heavy, sending grass clipping swirling by the side of the road. I opened the door and jumped out, slamming it behind me as my feet hit the ground.

" Lea!" Jeremy yelled at me, stopping the car again as I cut across the side of the road. " It's getting ready to pour, don't be stupid.Come on, get back in the car."

" No," I said softly, knowing he couldn't hear me. It was really raining now. I kept walking, hearing Jeremy yell my name but knowing I couldn't go back to him. He ran to me with his face dripping as the rain pour down us both. " Are you crazy!" he said. " Are you?" I asked him. 

" Remember what I said about I had my own reasons of letting May go?" he wipe the rain drops that were dripping all over my face. I was really cold and my teeth kept chattering. " I didn't break up with her just cause she was involve with Leon" he stopped. I stared back at him with a big question mark on my face. The thunder was already storming down.

" I fell in love with someone Lea"

I looked up at him, and he pulled me close in his arms. He pulled my cheeks up as he close his eyes and lay his lips softly on mine.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Chapter 10

       The whole place went silent, it was like the whole room was empty and the only thing that echoed in my mind was Mr Hamptom’s voice shouting at the top of his lungs demanding an explanation from us. My hands were still gripped tight in a fist that could already give out a punch in Chloe’s face is he showed up a little while later then. But everything was at pause, Tyler and Leon kept their eyes on me, making me the subject of the whole entire awkwardness and chaos that was accoutring. But nothing pulled me back. “Well, I’m waiting. What’s this all about?” Mr Hampton continued, putting his shades down and handed Tyler his brown leather jacket while Tyler fold it across his arms, with Leon by his side, waiting for my explanation. I knew I was in hot soup, for creating havoc on the first day of work. I was expecting a “ You’re fired phrase” or something much more mean from a person so steady and strong headed like Mr Hampton that was standing right in front of me, glaring straight to my eyes. Reminded me when I was sent to the principal office, and got myself some detention break for a while. It wasn’t a fun thing to be having those conversations with people you happen to be afraid of.

I rubbed my leg against the other and took a step back while I tied my hair in a pony tail, trying to distract him from asking me again. But he did.

“I don’t like to repeat my question girls. I want them answers now” he said firmly, only this time. He sat his ass on one of the boxes. Good things it wasn’t unpacked yet, or else his bottom would be sinking right in the middle surface of the box.

“I’m not doing this” Chloe said while stomping big steps across the carpet, and excused herself while watching her headed out the door, made Tyler followed her instantly. I was already sweating like a pig, everyone was eyeing on me. And I could not deal with it anymore but just cleared out the air. “Nothing Mr Hampton, just some personal matters. Promise this won’t ever happen again. And ....

“We would do better”  continued May, gliding herself right beside me smiling showing off her teeth. I could tell she was faking it, but I just fell for it for the sake of getting ourselves out of trouble. “ Alright then, I expect you girls to clean up this mess” he looked over to the stain that was calling out to him on the carpet floor. I kicked one of the boxes and it covered up the stain just a tad bit, but I was too late. “ And I expect my expensive imported carpets to be well cleaned and vacuumed.” He smirked and walked out the door. 

I looked over to May, she was still smiling. It was rather annoying to have someone fake that they’re okay when you know deep inside they’re never were. I kept questioning myself instead of pretending I was a psychiatrist trying to give her some advice to redeem her true self again. I just watched May as he continued unpacking, not saying a word. I felt guilty there and then already but there’s nothing that I could do. Thanks to Chloe’s big mouth. 

“What happened?” Leon sat on the couch near the counter, and focused on my every move trying to get the stain of the syrup off the carpet floor. I wring out the water and some of the droplets sprinkled to my face. I needed a bath so badly that I just wanted to pour the whole pail of water on top of me. I leaned and crawl, while humming a song to myself. Brushing off the stains roughly

“Need help?”Leon asked again, crawling on to the carpet and crossed his legs, sitting next to me.” It’s okay, I’m fine with this” brushing it harder that time.

“What happen to your....” I looked down to my thigh that was covered up with layers of cloth stripe bandages earlier and quickly covered it up, putting the pail right in front of Leon so that he wouldn’t see. Distracting his own view, he lifted the pail and put it away and asked again “Did you burn yourself Lea?” he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him, I was too stubborn to move my body over the other side. So he came over and leaned next to me instead. His eyes still keeping an eye closely on my thigh that really made me felt very shy to have someone look at you that way. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve paid a visit to the doctor down the street and he gave me some medications earlier. The pain will ware off.” I pushed his face away to quit him from looking at my thigh that made me felt really insecure and hated myself for wearing short skirt that day. “ Let me do it” he took the brush from me and started brushing off the stains, I just stared at him, folding my legs against the other and admiring the ways of a gentlemen right in front of me. 
“Alright, I’m done.” May came out from the back with two big black garbage bags. “Anything else?” she looked around with her arm pressed on her waist. 

 I looked over at her and realize she was still faking her emotions. Her red nose that was showed earlier had now faded to pale white flesh. And her eyes from watery went to dry as the sands in beaches. I was curious enough to walk over to her and asked her a stupid question. “ You okay?” I took the garbage bags from her hands.

“ Of course I am, Why wouldn’t I be?” she nodded and gave out a smile again. I bit my lips as she looked at the time saying that she had to be home for dinner. It was only 7pm, and to me, 7 pm was the earliest we ever had to go home on a weekend. She took her bags and put her coat around her, while waving goodbye to me and Leon that was still stunned.

“ She seems to be in a hurry” he got up on his foot, putting the pail and the brush together on the counter, watching May leave the store. “After what happened today,..” I stopped. “ I wouldn’t stand a minute here either” I continued.

Only I and Leon was at the store, and Chloe was nowhere to be found. All I know is, she could be somewhere in a pub with Tyler drinking all her problems away. I wouldn’t have the slightest idea on how to talk to her after what had happened. Not only she betrayed me, but she hurt May. She really did. But knowing Chloe, she isn’t those who like backing down, and neither do I. As our egos got more huge the older we get, we promised not to argue with each other because it wouldn’t be taken as a fling but it would be good god serious to turn into cold war that in need for internal determination. I imagined myself in a corner, where sorry was just a couple of steps away, and love is only a couple of seconds away. Making people forgive and forget. Making people more matured that I thought that can ever happen that way. But nothing was too good to be true. Nothing was even true enough to be in my belief story. Only make beliefs.

      “Need a ride home?” Leon was already reaching in his pockets searching for his keys, and tossing them up and down in his palms, already waited in front of the door waiting for me. No one was around, and the keys to the store are left for me to be in charge, so whether I like it or not, I had to be the one to lock the whole place up and keeping it safe and sound. Looking after it like a baby, Mr. Hampton’s baby. 

“ Nah, you go ahead. Thanks for the stain thing. Appreciate it.” looked down to the carpet that looked almost brand new, spotless, couldn’t even tell that there was a stain before. “You sure? I don’t mind you know” asked again.

“It’s fine. Drive safe home alright? I’ll close early today anyway” look around the store, all surrounded by nothing with just half unpacked boxes and those crooked rags that looked like those scary hollow trees that were out to get me. I was totally scaring myself. The gloomy skies that surrounded by lightning bolts all crashing into one bundle of rain droplets down, barely could see any clear open air. Leon turned around back to me, thinking I would change my mind into going back along with him according to the weather report that I was having. But I waved at him continuously while waving him goodbye. 

The store that was just across the road, beside the coffee hut was having trouble chasing their apples and oranges that went rolling down the streets because of the strong wind that came blowing right through the stack of fruits. An old lady struggling with her umbrella in one arm, while the other holding on to her poodle which kept barking. Everyone was hassling to get into their car, and just drive back home. Sitting on a warm couch, with someone they love cuddling up their sleeves while having a hot cup of coco. Putting on some old long colourful socks and just dig under warm comfy sheets, would be a nice way to go.

I kept everything neat and tidy in a jiff, didn’t really had the mood to be doing all those decorations without anyone’s help around. So I took off just as I finished laying out all the clothing’s.

          “Honey, how was work today?” dad came in the hall, putting down his suitcase just right on top of the coffee table, blinding my view when I was watching television with Jeff. Spongebob Squarepants was on, and I always get to be Patrick, because Jeff insist that I’ll be the dumb pink one, while he gets to pick the main character and he does love to wear yellow. So we made a deal for every cartoons to be picked out. “It was okay” answering lazily and covered my face with the pillow while tossing the remote control to the other side of the couch, almost hitting Jeff in the chest. “Sorry bro!” took a peek at the edge of the pillow. Mum standing there giving me a look.” What happened to your leg!?” she lifted my skirt.

“ What?It’s nothing really” I said, feeling so annoyed. “I supposed something happened today?” Dad and Mum say the words so clearly that it echoed it my mind repeatedly. 
“You can say that...” I got up and crossed both my legs while hugging the pillow tight, facing my head down low. “What happened? Wanna talk about it?” mum pushed my hair over behind my ears, leaving the others still flowing down my face, blocking one of my eyes. 

“It’s complicated Mum; I don’t find the need to explain everything today. I’m just really really tired.” Dad came and asked me to scotched over as he landed his bottom right beside me, while untying his tie that seem rather tight, like it was actually alive to strangle him. I leaned my head on my dad’s shoulders that was really high for me to even reach it, lucky for me. He slides down just a little lower for me to reach it, and pat my head softly.

“I’m really tired today. Can we talk about this tomorrow.” Keeping one eye close and faking a smile. Jeff in the background was making noises and he giggled his way off watching Spongebob. I was about to land my head on my dad’s thigh. Someone was at the door ringing the door bell repeatedly. 

Without having anyone decides who to get the door, mum was already at it. I breathe in and tried to continue my sleep.

    “ Lea, someone wants to see you” I didn’t open my eyes but waved my hand sideways “ ask whoever to go away. I’m tired !” dad  still patting on my head.

“ Lea?” a voice that sounded familiar enough to make me drop from the couch. I grabbed back the pillow that was tossed away from me and looked up above me. There stood May, nodding her head down, her face was barely showing as her hair was all over the place. “I need you “she said softly. I grabbed her by her shoulders, and took her upstairs to my room. There we sat under the fan that was spinning like a tornado. A complete silence, and me just waited for May to speak up.

 “It’s horrible! “she said to me, breathless. She was sniffling; no crying and she kept hugging onto my bed sheets. “ I can’t believe this is happening “ she continued. In the back of my mind, I was thinking about Jeremy. No one else could make her feel like this before. No one else, but I kept my bad thoughts to myself.  “ He broke up with me, “ she said, sobbing “ That bastard, he broke up with me over the phone. Just a few minutes ago.”

    “Jeremy?” who else would it be right? I pictured him and May having their last argument at the end of the call that ended recklessly into a break up mode. 

“Yes” looking straight at me with her eyes going all red. “ I can’t deal with this” she pulled her knees to her chest, burying her face in her hands. 

“ May “ I reached out to put my arm around her, unsure of how to act or what to say. This was the first time it had happened to someone close to me. This was the first time I had to deal with May’s first love break up. “ I’m so sorry to hear that” the only words that I’ve thought of saying that know wouldn’t go wrong.

“I’d been calling him so much after I left, but he never did answer. I wanted to ask him about the thing you and Chloe was arguing about. Whether it was true or isn’t” she said, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. I swallowed my saliva as I heard she said me and Chloe’s name, flashing back the scene. Thinking about what Jeremy told me before. “And?” I said
“ I was leaving all these messages...” she stopped and wiped her eyes. “ And he called up tell me he’s so done with us. Saying that I don’t understand him, telling me that I’m better off without him! “ she covered her eyes with both her palms, sobbing louder this time. 

“ He’s a jerk,” I said defensively, hearing that judging tone in my own voice.

“ He was hoping I’d lose interest....Why couldn’t he see, how much I love him Lea? How much I would do for a guy like him. He completes me Lea. He is everything!” she punched my pillow hard, and I did the same only the difference was imagining Jeremy’s face on it. I was angry with the way he treated May. Such a bastard I would call, throwing away someone so fragile as May. 
“I can’t go through this. I’m weak Lea, I’m not strong. I never was.” She made little hiccupping noises, bumpy sobs. I kept patting her shoulder, trying to help. “Why am I so stupid” blaming herself was the last of it.

“ He’s an asshole.” I could see Jeremy, someone I thought I could trust before. Now back into my hater list. Lurking at the end of a telephone line, mouthing the words I wanna break-up to May. I hated Jeremy, now. 

“It’s so awful,” she said, resting her head against m shoulder and sobbing full strength, while I cupped my arm around her head and held her close. “It hurts”
    I’d never really been in love, I deal with crushes during high schools, people admiring me from far. Sending me love notes, all those secretive cupid shit.  But I’d never really been in love, I wasn’t sure what is it. Where it lies, how it felt. I know the ways of admiring someone. Just like how I admire Leon. But right then, I wasn’t even sure if what I was having with Leon was something to be called Love.  I never felt that surge of feeling or that fall from its graces, to be safe in someone else arms. I only watch those close to me weathered them. Just like May for instance. But watching what she has to deal with now. Making me back away more now from all those four letter words.

“ It’ll be okay” try to erase all the pain she’s going through, rubbing her shoulders, keeping her warm with my bed covers around her.