Friday, March 25, 2011

Chapter 14

       Chloe was gasping for air, leaning against the window of the shop hard on her shoulders, kinda like tipping over on her weak legs she kept folding on to each other, like she was the only one having the weight of the whole world. She finally came to her senses and got a grip, breathing in and out repeatedly like those yoga sessions I see on television.  “Okay, you know what? Whatever it is -” she looked down at her watch, wriggling it around like it was loosen in the first place. “I don’t want to get involved with this sort of love drama between this square love of you guys” she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the shop. “We promised Mr Hampton that things would move smoothly today”. 


 Me walking like a zombie, a faceless emotion as we bang into Leon and May as they were heading the other opposite way out. I stopped and Chloe was between me and them, standing in  a way like a shield, protecting me from harm. “You” she looked at Leon, gave a long stare. “Get out” she said defensively, acting like my mother, so fierce and stable. Standing tall with both her hands on her waist. “We need to get to work, I suggest both of you get a grip and get to work” she said, looking at me and back at May. Both in an awkward position. Could tell they were trying to say something to me, but only hot air came out from their breathe as I wasn’t eager to hear them explain, or try covering up the things that disgusted me, and above all. HURT ME.


    Jeremy stood behind me as he grabbed my hands, when he looked at May and Leon together again, at a very bad scene. Just looking at his facial expression, I knew he knew the reason I shed my first tear a while ago. My eyes drew over by itself when Tyler’s other hand was folded up in a round big fist, with full force like he was about to punch something, or someone across the face. “You too Jeremy, you should go” Chloe said, already starting to roll out the welcome carpet for the customers. 


I pulled Jeremy aside, and just look him in the eyes. “You should go” I said softly, still keeping my eyes glued at his big fist. “It’s not worth it” I said, and he slowly looked down on me, making me feel a little small. I couldn’t believe that he was actually quite tall. “It’s not?” he asked as he turned to look at Leon and May still standing there like two dead statues, guilty without a word. I pulled Jeremy to a corner, a little more further to lost sight of them both. “Why are they doing this?” he said. Eyes went red and he just smile, trying real hard to hold on to his tears. But he was holding on too long that his fist was already punching through the wall. I stood there helplessly, looking at him, feeling so out of control. Feeling so weak, that made me felt the same exact way. My hands went cold, my legs were jelly-like, couldn’t move and my mouth wouldn’t speak up to say “stop”. I just watched him go, flaunting his anger, letting out his man strength and punching against the wall again. The punch grew louder and louder, mostly like hearing his fist about to sprained and his bones were about to be broken. I quickly stood in front of him before he let out another punch. He stopped, sweating and breathing heavily. Not saying a word, feeling rather dwarf. He reached out to his keys in his pocket while rubbing his foot on the ground. “I’ll pick you up tonight” he said and in a just a few minutes, I lost sight of him. I felt the chilled in me, something was about to happen, an accident. Or just something that includes death. I shivered to myself but with hot air blowing down my skin. Thwacking my way back to the store, surprised to have customers already going crazy, with them digging through all the merchandise and pushing up against me in their mad dash to find a bargain. Trying had to make my way through the noisy chattering crowd, almost made me fell. 
     
       Out of the blue, a woman grabbed me by the hand and said, “ You call twenty bucks for a kid’s shoe a good deal?” She was wearing a bathing suit with shorts cover it, flip-flops and a big straw hat. I just looked at her. 


“Do you?” She picked up a shoe, one that was yellow and blue and pink, with what looked like Smurfts on it.


 “I’ll give you ten for this pair. If you have a five and a half”. 


   “I don’t know.....,”I said, trying to look for Chloe or May, who had disappeared in the crowd of picky costumers. “We don’t really bargain on shoes.”


    “You don’t huh?” she said in a nasty voice, like I’d been rude to her. “Well, that’s just fine. Just find me a  five and a half, would you?” Chloe suddenly appeared next to me. “Is there a problem here, Lea?”


    “Five and a half, please” the woman said loudly shaking the shoe in my face. “Find the woman a five and a half” Chloe said to me, prodding me in the back with one hand. “I’ll deal with the table for a while.” 
I went back in the storeroom and climbed up to the discount shelf, looking for the ugly Smurf shoe. There was a six and a four but no five and a half. I was struggling to get down when May just came in unexpectedly. 


“Hey...”


“You need help?” she asked, knowing she’s finding a way to communicate with me, only makes things more worst. “ No thanks, I could handle it from here” I walked out of the storeroom, and went back out to the table. “Sorry, it’s not in,” I said.


“It’s not in,” she repeated flatly. “Are you sure?” 


“I am..indeed,” I said, realizing that I was being a smartass and not really actually caring. Chloe was looking at me, acting like a boss, I felt that whooshing in my ears, that powerful evenness. 


“Lea, perhaps you can interest the woman in another style,” Chloe said to me quickly. “I want this one,” the woman said, shaking the shoe in front of my face, yet again. Behind her, someone else was saying, “ Miss? Oh Miss? I need some help with this dress, please?” 


I came back with a sing song voice and a pleasing smile stretching across my face. “We don’t have that shoe in either ma’am”. “Well, then I should get another shoe at other places then”  “It’s only fair.”


“Well, that’s just fine,” the woman snapped. I watched as she tossed the shoe at me. She meant for it to hit the pile probably, but it bounced off a stray saddle shoe in the bin and nailed me in the head, a direct Smurf but. I was hot all of a sudden, the whooshing in my ears loud and calming, and I felt awake, my skin tingling. 
    
 She was walking away, fli-flops thwacking against the floor, as I grabbed the shoe and ducked around the table and put the shoe to its exact place. May caught me in a very stressful emotion as sweat was pouring down my side burns. Feeling hot suddenly, though the air con was on its lowest degree. “You should get some air” May said as she pulled me up with one hand, making way through the crowd and brought me outside. “I’m fine” I pushed her hands away, stubborn and looked over to the coffee hut. “Tell Chloe, I’m having a break there” I went over in a dash, leaving May behind. 


I looked through the glass, finding many costumers on that day, made me felt a little uneasy to settle in with a bunch of workaholics. I don’t want to be squeezed in between like a sandwich again. There I saw, a tall mini stool, good enough to fit my ass on. I went over and just sat there, with my arms stretching right in front of me and I lay my head hard on the counter behind the cashier. “Can I do anything for you Miss?” a boy asked, while he was wiping some washed cups. I swing my hands side to side, a signal saying “no, and leave me alone” but only some would understand that. Feeling so exhausted, I just felt like leaving and get some beauty rest at home. 


“Hot chocolate please?” I turned around and saw Leon, taking out his cash, about to pay the waiter. I kept blinking my eyes, without making a noise, hoping he never caught me. “ That would be $5.65 Sir,” I saw them exchanging a cup of hot chocolate with the change in his hands. He was about to walk away, when he stopped and turn around. I was already rolling my eyes, in my head was a “shit.” That was the only think I thought about. 


“Lea? He came, strapping his body against the counter, finding himself rather charming, which I find it positively not. I got up from my seat and headed out to the door. Leon, chasing me from behind, grabbed my arm and pulled me over to face him in the eye. “Let go” I said, looking at his eyes which I so wanted to poke out. It was a feeling of anger and sadness that I wished he would hug me right now instead of making me feel like punching him when I know Jeremy wanted to, before. He was just lucky to walk away with an un-bruised face. “Let me explain” he continued, putting down his hot chocolate on the top of a strangers car that was parked right in front of the coffee shop. “There’s nothing more to explain. What’s done is done.” I said, still trying to walk away. “ You weren’t part of the game Lea” he said, so confidently and proud that I would eventually happen to forgive him at that time, at that very moment. But he was wrong to even think so too. “ Oh, please. Don’t fool me like how you fool Jeremy, Leon. He’s your best friend. I mean, how could you even do this to him? To me?” I stood a little further when I realize the tone of my voice was changing. “You know what, I don’t want to talk about it. You guys have a happy life” I started crossing the road.
“ I did love you!” he shouted, made me walked even faster now. Reaching at the front door step of the shop. I turned back to see him, holding on to the hot chocolate and just looking at me. “ Guess it wasn’t enough” I said to myself, and walked back into the store. Finding a little less customers now. 


“Where have you been!” Chloe came with a in the palm of her hands, gripping so tightly. “I’m sorry” I couldn’t find the words to continue, but sat on a small purple stool next to the tall lamp. Chloe bend down in front of me and took out her house keys. She sighed to herself, “I want you to meet me there; you’re staying with me tonight. We need to talk” she said, putting her house keys in my hands, with small stuffed animal key chains dangling around. 


“You should go, get some rest. I’ll pack some dinner for you once I get home” she took my cell phone from me, already dialling a number. “Get Jeremy to pick you up. I’ll handle these craz customers with May.” She handed me back my cell phone, and it was already on ringing tone. I just smiled and put it next to my ear.  


“Lea?” he answered. “Yeah J, umm could you pick me up?” I said, brushing my hair through my fingers. 


“Now?” 


“Yeah, now.” I said. “Okay, I’ll be right over” 


I put down the cell phone and watched as Chloe was attending to some customer with yellow dyed hair. Looked like a clown, except for those red crazy lips and crazy eye shadowed make-ups. 


“Lea?” May stood next to me, handling me a cup of tea. I took it from her hand and just smiled.”Thanks”
“I want to say I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t forgive me for what I’ve done. I know I’ve screwed it up big time. I just...” 


“Just what May?” I looked at her, all those memories of us suddenly came back to me in a flash, reminding me how much I once trusted her so. But it was all over when I look into her eyes. Everything felt like a deadly lie. 


I shook my head repeated “You don’t have to feel sorry. I was stupid to trust you” I turned to her “ Any of you”
She hold on to her breath before she could say anything further. I got up and packed my things, grabbed my purse and went outside for some fresh air. She, still following me from behind like a lost puppy. “Let me be May, there’s nothing you can say or do that would change how much I’m feeling now” I looked over my shoulder, a tall slim scary looking girl, puffing on to a smoke. How I wished I was puffing on some smoke right now. Thought to myself in silence, looking down at my feet.  “I wanted to say something...”- “to you and Jeremy, I didn’t know things would go out of hand” she said. 


“Well, it did” a honk passed by, as Jeremy parked his car a little further. I knew May saw Jeremy’s car passing by, but she just keep it to herself, cause she knows, she deserve it. 


“You going home with Jeremy?” she asked, still following me from behind. 


“Yeah” folding my jacket across my shoulders. Her footsteps stopped, when Jeremy got down of the car and opened the door for me. He never gave a slight glace at her, at all. I felt rather bad and just waved goodbye while I stepped into the car and we’re off. 


    The clouds were fine, very sunny and warm. The windows were open, and the wind was blowing through my hair. The radio suddenly went silent as Jeremy switched it off, and buckled his seat belt. Made me nervous when I know he was about to ask me something. 


“So, what happened?” he said.


“Nothing,” I said, holding my hand out and letting the warm air push through it as we went down the street, back to downtown.


“Come on, Lea” We were at a stoplight now, and he turned to look at me. His eyes were back to normal brown “ Did May said anything to you?” 


I kept my eyes on the light, waiting for the green. “That was no big thing,...” 


“It was nothing” I said, trying to conjure up my bold self, to hear the whooshing again that made me rise above it all, immune. “ I didn’t care enough to listen anyway”. He still looks at me. “Lea. Don’t bullshit me now. I know when something’s wrong.” And still we sat, at what had to be the longest light in the world, with him staring at me until I finally said “ I saw them kissed” “ in the store room.. Right in front of me” I stared at my reflection in the side mirror. My face looked pale and hot. Jeremy kept quiet and I knew there was nothing else he would say, because it was hurting us both at the same time. The light changed and we drove off again, him switching gears. 


“Send me over to Chloe’s. I’m staying there for tonight” he looked at me, his look was telling me that he didn’t actually trust my words. Knowing what I could do. “I’m sending you home” he said, not wanting to argue. Like it was final decision. I jiggled Chloe’s house key in the palm of my hands, showing them to him. “I’m not running away, really. I’ll just be at Chloe’s. Trust me” 


Soon enough, we were already at Chloe’s. He pulled over to the side of the road, right next to the big green garbage bin. The house looked empty, and a little spooky. “Will you be okay in there?” he leaned over to me, un buckle my seat belt. I nodded my head, holding on to his hands. “Thanks, for being there for me when I needed the most in my least.” He smiled “ You were there for me remember?” 


“Besides, you’re my girl now” 

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